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BNO

Doo doo doo doo do do! Attention all of you annoying, pathetic, pitiful and moaning people complaining about the end of POTCO and how yo life is ruined!

YOU NEED PROFESSIONAL HELP. LUCKILY FOR YOU, WE'VE GOT YOU COVERED. 

For only $77.89 a month (Plus shipping, handling, Boogie's fee *, and gas price fo the slab) YOU CAN BE CURED OF YOU PATHETIC BRAIN PROBLEMS. 

What we Offer

PyschoTherapy- Let Boogie take you on a msytical, juicy, sweaty journey though time. Learn about the dinosaurs, the Breasly's, The Reyes', and the rest. You will be cured in no time.


Shock

Mallce on the prowl

Electric Shock TherapyWhat goes better together than chips and Salsa? The BNO and Voltage! Allow us to electrocute your body to the point of near death, but not death :). Side affects may include a slimy feel on the upperlip.

Dr. Myah's Relaxing Sit-down Times - We know that theres a lot going on and that you tend to get worked up over small things, like a Disney game being terminated. Well, from now until 2017, in a special one-time payment offer, Dr. Myah, PPD, will sit down with you in a comfortable location of your choice and will listen to all of your pathetic issues. We won't do anything about it – no advice, no problem-solving tips. We just listen, and every now and then write something down on a clipboard and/or have the assistant, Stormwalker, tickle your body and remove vital parts of your person whilst you are least expecting it. What a deal! Jim Logan sign up now.

Anything Else - If you pay the extra $500/month to become a premium member, we will give you one hour of our undivided attention! ADHD not required.

Our Professionals

Doctor Professor Merry Myah- Known to some as Jeremiah Garland, his true passion isn't greasing up at the crib every Saturday- it's curing insignifgant beings of their pitiful minds and helping them move forward.

Boogie- God bless your soul if you are unfortunate enough to get assigned to him.

Juan

Juan Phillipe with a disturbed woman.

Lord Polka-Dot- Mallace runs the electric shock therapy. MMmmmmmmm.

Juan Phillipe- We picked him up at the border. Said he was a pyschologist and we just kind of went with it. Gives out taco's.

Stormwalker- Assists Dr. Merry Myah in his dirty activities.

Payment

THANKFULLY you can charge this all to your BNO Debit card for a discounted rate of 0.56 percent every decade.

If you do not have the BNO Debit card (which can be obtained here) we charge an extra fee of 46.5% per hour.

Financial Aid

If you are on some sort of special healthcare package, or you can't pay for your treatment, it's probably Obama's fault. HOWEVER we are here to assure that you get the best service at a lower price. If you can't pay immediately after treatment, we'll keep you in our special and safe cells overnight so you can pay us the next morning. If you have experienced credit fraud, not our problem. If your BNO debit card doesn't work and/or suddenly turns back into a gift card to The Olive Garden, you can renew it for £7.9 ($16,334.72). We also offer free reservations at our front desk to the Mallace Pallace as well as donations to the BNO bird fund. If your money was stolen before walking into our facility, consult Boogie for reimbursement, but he only speaks about three or four languages, none of them English.

Inspired by Texas Senator Ted Cruz, we have decided to create our own healthcare package to combat Obamacare. It's only available in three countries (Pakistan, North Korea obviously, Chad) and is only allowed to those who really need it: college students, black opera singers (including Morgan Freeman), and fathers with nine or more children and at least seven wives. This package is called Mallacare, and the Muslims despise it.

Sign up Today!

We're ready to help you move past an online game! We're here to help.


Sincerely yours,

The BNO Team.


  • Boogie's Fee: For proper handling of psychotic parts, Boogie requires and additional fee for the cleaning of his fountain (house)
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