I'm going to be open here.
It's been a while since I've published a blog like this; in fact, it's been a while since I've done much of anything on this wikia, which has helped me through so much. There are two primary reasons for this: university work, and pure apathy. For those of you who don't know, I've currently started my first year of university and I'm already a few months in. I've fallen in love with my classes, this town, and university as a whole – however, I felt something missing (until just recently).
Unsurprisngly, I'm not a very sociable guy. I'm what you'd call an introvert. It's a common saying on this wikia that we frequent this site so often because "we don't have a life". I don't know to what extent the people reading this believe in this phrase, but one thing is probably guaranteed: all of you, like me, consider yourself an introvert.
As I was saying, I've recently started uni. Though I've been finding much enjoyment in my classes and the new freedoms not found in domestic life, I recently fell into somewhat of a slump, which affected my attitude, my happiness, and my motivation, really, to do much of anything. This slump, I resolved, was due to my inability to "fit in" and make the friends I wanted to be making. Don't get me wrong, I have two or three people here I would consider to be "real friends", and a handful of other "acquaintances", but nothing like the sociable university life I had been expecting. This is when I began to question and doubt myself: Was there something wrong with me? Do people just not like me? Why don't I fit in?
Ever asked yourself those questions?
The night this blog was published was a Sunday night. However, for my university, it was a notoriously special night: "Raisin Sunday", a centuries-old tradition that in the modern era is characterised by every member of the student body partying until sunrise and getting so piss drunk they can't remember a single detail. I, of course, not being one to drink nor party, was the sole exception to this "tradition", choosing instead to dedicate this evening to finding myself and doing some deep thinking. So, I write this blog having just returned from the moonlit harbour of my small college town, a location I chose for its beauty as well as its quietness (it's the only part of town not littered with loud, vomiting first year drunks). Sitting on that bench overlooking the North Sea and, higher above the Northern Lights, I came to a realisation that I was hoping I could share with all of you.
It wasn't that I'm unable to be social, it's just that I'm unwilling to be social.
In other words, I, like so many of you, prefer the company of myself over the company of others. Big deal, right?
Well, that's when it occurred to me that I didn't even want the party lifestyle of college that I had been taught to expect. I don't like parties, or even large groups of people. It's not social anxiety, it's a preference. It's not that there's something wrong with me, it's just who I am.
"That's nice Jerry, but what does that have to do with us?"
This realisation got me thinking back to the unofficial motto of the wiki: "no friends, no life". And whilst of course it's not true, it got me thinking about how many of you may or may not feel the same way I do, or who may be struggling with the same kind of issues.
I'm going to digress one more time into a personal story. As I've said in the past, I, like so many of you, joined this site because I was lonely and this place provided me with a community of likeminded people whom I could call friends (and indeed it has). Having grown up living in eight different places in six different countries over the span of nineteen years, finding friends was definitely challenging, and often, I'd be that social outcast with no friends. In my early teen years, this harsh reality slowly led me into a depression, which was only multiplied exponentially when I lost my little sister when I was 12. It was at that point that I (time to open the can of worms) wanted my life to end. I had grown distant from my parents due to their work, I had absolutely no friends, and the only true friend I had ever had was dead. I no longer saw the point of living. But just then, when things were at their worst, I overheard some people at school talking about this new game, "Pirates of the Caribbean Online". Honestly, I have no idea why I was so enticed by the sound of this game. I didn't care for computer games. Heck, I even thought that the Pirates of the Caribbean movies were pretty much rubbish. But nevertheless, I began playing the game, discovered this wiki, and found happiness at last through these communities.
Now, let's be real. Whether it's the death of a loved one, being bullied, family troubles, school work, jobs, limerence, or just feeling alone, we've all had those feelings of trouble. We've all had those moments where we questioned whether our life is worth living. Severe sadness and hopelessness is the single greatest pain a human can feel, and unfortunately several of us don't make it all the way to the end. I don't know everybody's life story here, but I'm going to go out on a limb and assume that several of your stories are not so far off from mine; how this community saved many of you and this site eventually becoming a haven from the hassles of every day life. The importance of this fact is electrifying: we are a community of survivors of something much more real, and much more painful than ourselves. We have helped each other power through the toughest situations. For that I, on behalf of myself and everyone who has benefitted from this, thank each and every one of you.
To go back to the real purpose of this blog, I'd like to talk about solitude for a minute, and what it means to be alone. As I mentioned, one of the biggest driving factors of my depression was my loneliness. Society tells us that being alone is bad, that you shouldn't be "anti-social". We have been led to believe that people who spend their lives in solitude are nerds, weirdos, freaks, or psychos at risk of shooting up schools. This is an ugly stereotype. If you are an introvert like me, you probably know how it feels, at least a little bit, to be somewhat of a social outcast. You've probably experienced the subtle anxiety that comes from meeting someone new, and, whilst you may be fine in a natural conversation, you know it wears you out and drains you of your "social energy". Unlike the extrovert, we don't like spending time with people without good reason. At the end of the day we prefer to be alone.
And that's exactly what loneliness is. A preference.
Therefore, does it morally make sense for society to look down upon a group of people just because they're happier when they're alone? Why force yourself into unhappiness and discomfort by surrounding yourself with overwhelming throngs of people? Why not accept yourself for who you are? Screw society.
That is not to say, of course, that you should cut yourself off from the world completely. As this community has proven time and time again, like-minded people will meet and befriend each other. We all have similar stories and social attitudes, therefore it's no surprise that we've formed this community of friendship that has been going strong for almost five years now. Besides, having a few true friends is crucial and, honestly, unavoidable, which brings me to my second point.
If you've found yourself alone without any true friends, let me tell you this: your loneliness is not permanent. As I've experienced in my own life of harsh isolation and rejection, it is very difficult and can take quite the toll on even the strongest person. However, it does not last forever. Regardless of your age or situation, life changes at rapid speed, and with these changes comes new opportunities and new people. With these fresh beginnings come the people who, like the ones of this community, understand how you feel and what exactly you are feeling. This, whilst it may be difficult to translate these feelings at first, will gradually evolve into a friendship like no other; when you understand a person on such a level that you know and experience their own suffering, it is an unbreakable bond. So, if you are lonely now, hang in there and keep up hope: there are people out there who know how you feel and are in the exact same position. Just give life time for you to find each other.
In the meantime, find happiness in yourself. Get the most out of life by doing the things you love. Don't let the stress of others hinder your own happiness. Even when it seems the whole world is against you and things couldn't get worst, the best thing you can do is continue to seek personal happiness to make the troubles all worth while. Become satisfied with who you are and what you do, and don't let anyone change it. Embrace your beliefs, your hobbies, and your character with pride.
Lastly, I want to say this: embrace your loneliness while you have it. Perhaps the biggest thing I learned about myself in my deep pondering tonight was not only that solitude was an acceptable alternative, but it's also an enjoyable and a beneficial one. Don't believe me? Here are three reasons I thought of as to why solitude is a good thing:
- It allows you be creative. Perhaps the biggest benefit to being lonely is the creativity that comes along with it. It's no surprise that when we study, write, or think, we prefer to be alone, without the distractions of others. By being by yourself, you're allowed to unwind and focus on your own creativity and knowledge without being hindered by the outside world. This let's us create a form of escapism meant only for ourselves; solitude essentially provides you with your own personal world to explore the limits of your mind. So next time you find yourself alone in a comfortable, familiar place, crack open a notebook and take a shot at writing a poem or a short story; you'll be surprised how easy it is to do without being slowed down by the world around you.
- Only you truly understand you. As the great comedian George Carlin once said, "The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept". Whether you actually do verbally communicate with yourself or not, the fact of the matter is that no matter how many times you share your feelings or thoughts with others, they only get a fraction of the story; only you can retain your real emotions and only you can truly sympathise with yourself. Furthermore, the process of understanding comes entirely from within, and ignoring that notion means a loss of self-awareness, and even knowledge and identity.
- It lets you build up your esteem. Stemming back to the hideous stereotypes society makes about "lonely people", we often tend to put ourselves down when we're alone; we pity ourselves, question wheather there's anything wrong with us, and become insecure. As a result, we become even less confident and our sadness and anxiety only increases. However, this should not be the case. Loneliness should not be looked upon as a sign of weakness or social transgression. Rather, one should take advantage of their alone time to learn more about their self and cater to your own needs. In a world where so much stress is put upon "doing for others", we often forget to provide for ourselves, including in an emotional sense. By taking time out of your day to relax and refrain from activities, and simply reflecting upon life, your beliefs, your thoughts, your actions, and your emotions, you will begin to not only learn more about yourself, but also begin to accept yourself, and ultimately love you for who you are.
So, I'll close by saying this. If you are an individual who, either currently or in the past, has gone through any sort of social withdrawal, know that you're not alone. Furthermore, extend this message to those in a similar position; offering not only friendship but understanding is the single greatest comfort someone in a desperate position can receive. Furthermore, never give up hope. Know that, whilst others do indeed understand you, you are also your single greatest ally. Loneliness is not a sin, despite what we've been taught to believe. On the contrary, it's one of our greatest weapons. For it is only through loneliness that we may begin to accept ourselves, and become satisfied with the lives we lead. No one ever said life was easy, and when it seems everyone is against you, it certainly doesn't help when you're against yourself as well. Before moving on to any stage of life, accept yourself for who you are. Embrace your personal hobbies. Write a story. Splurge every now and then on some good food or something you'd enjoy. Adopt good habits. Work hard at whatever it is you do, be it school or a job. Seek that sense of accomplishment to induce your pride.
Go for a walk somewhere alone, and take the time of solitude to realise just how beautiful life is, and how easy it is to love who you are.
"I never found a companion that was so companionable as solitude."
- Henry David Thoreau
And now for the Liverpool fans...
Gerry & The Pacemakers - You'll Never Walk Alone
Best wishes,
Jerry
PS*** The publishing of this blog was my 8,000th edit! Woo!