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The Mystery of The Stolen Design


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The Mystery of The Stolen Design has Won a Wiki Oscar for Being the Best Page in the Story Category


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The Mystery of The Stolen Design has Won a Wiki Oscar for Being the Best Page in the Fan Play Category


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The Mystery of The Stolen Design has Won 3 Wiki Oscars for various categories!


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The Mystery of The Stolen Design Is The First Fan Play!


LA mAFIA PRO
LA mAFIA PRO
The Mystery of The Stolen Design
LMP Label Text LMPLabel

The Mystery of The Stolen Design Logo
A play created by Jack Pistol and Edgar Wildrat







Published and Produced by LA mAFIA PRO



The Mystery of The Stolen Design
The Mystery of The Stolen Design Logo
Author Edgar Wildrat and Jack Pistol
Illustrator Tama63 and Edgar Wildrat
Publication date 6/17/2011
Published by La Mafia Productions
Publication Order
Preceded by
No Previous
Followed by
Coming Soon




Plot

The Spanish Armada is on the move and King Breasly enlists Lawrence Daggerpaine and Bill Plunderbones to make an Advanced Ship of the Line. The designs go missing and Law asks Edgar and Jack to help him find the designs. Law doesn't tell Breasly and tries to hide his mistake which turns into some comical moments and a few huge misunderstandings are caused as well. The play evolves into a mystery and the characters undergo an adventure in seek of the stolen designs!

  • La Mafia Productions Presents
  • A Play by Jack and Edgar:
  • The Mystery of The Stolen Design!
  • The Spanish Armada is on the move.
  • King John Breasly is in peril.
  • Lawrence Daggerpaine is enlisted to create Advanced Ship of the Line designs.
  • But the designs are stolen by a hooded thief. Who can retrieve them before they fall into the evil hands of the Spanish.
  • Two violent psychos with morality issues!
  • One is a drunk with an obsession for wenches.
  • The other is a Prince with an obsession for gambling.
  • Can they stop the evil tyranny of the Spanish King?
  • AKA this guy…
  • and will pelting him with rats do the trick?!
  • Read the play to find out...


Fans List

Add yourself to the list if you like the play. Use your username not your signatures.

BasilBrawlmonk



How the Play Began

Jack Pistol and Edgar Wildrat were both attending The Holy City Festival and after everyone had left we began talking and discussing random topics. Jack Pistol had been thinking about writing a play as a new form of story writing with a better flowing layout and interesting new way to tell a story.

Jack asked Edgar, who had both become very good friends, if he thought it was a good idea and Edgar said it sounded cool. Jack asked him what he thought a cool storyline would be because he had not made a definite one yet and only had a few rough ideas.

They started pondering on a good storyline for the play and then Edgar asked if he could write the play with Jack. Jack said yes and that was the best decision they had ever made.

Edgar suggested we make the genre of the play a mystery, because he had been reading many mystery novels lately. We started to think of a story that could fall under our new genre. Edgar suggested a mystery about a stolen belt buckle and how the inventor went in search of his lost possession, but we scratched that idea because the plot would have been too short and we wanted to include real players instead of fictional characters.

Jack suggested that they change Edgar's idea slightly and that the inventor should be Lawrence Daggerpaine of Daggerpaine Industries and that he was hired by King John Breasly II of Great Britain to invent something. At the same time we both suggested that the invention that Lawrence was hired by King John to create was an Advanced Ship of the Line.

We decided that to bring in the element of mystery the designs would be stolen and that there would be more than one suspect. We also decided that the Spanish would be the primary antagonists lead by Sir Carlos Clemente, and that they would be the reason the designs were being made.

In the next 5 minutes Jack quickly made the page and added some info and a quick draft of the plot. Jack began working on the first scene of Act 1 while Edgar made the letter that would be sent by King John to Lawrence Daggerpaine.

The game became a bad place to write the play because of the speech limitations so Edgar created a special play chat that we still use today when the Wiki Chat is glitchy.

More scenes were added and people started requesting to be in the play and the first person to request a role was Captain Robert. Slowly we wrote more and more people complimented the play or asked to be included in the story.



Background and References

To understand much of the humor you need to understand some of the references and have some background information of the setting of the play.


  • The play takes place in 1740 and the Spanish are a growing threat to the citizens of England and pirates.
  • Lawrence and Bill are known to always address John Breasly as Mr Breasly.
  • Lawrence often carries around a clipboard and makes notes in the game and therefore does so here.
  • Matthew's long letters to King John is a reference to all the talk page messages he sends John (to John's obvious-to-all-but-Matthew annoyance)
  • Matthew's extreme urge to fire Robert is a reference to him constantly firing Robert in-game. Robert is usually re-hired by Matthew or John after a few minutes.
  • Matthew's love for crumpets is a reference to a joke between Edgar and Matthew, where Matthew demanded Edgar sell crumpets at his bakery.
  • The quest Jack completed for Lawrence and got a fancy "box" for is a reference to The First Wikia Quest!!!! ( called Weak Ear Quest in the play ) that Jack completed and received a userbox for.
  • Capt. Skull X has a small ship and crew because the play takes place just after Captain Leon stole Skull's Marines from him, so he is poor and his guild are scattered.
  • Simon Redskull's intelligence is a reference to him being a skilled coder on the wiki.
  • Captain Robert's corruption is a reference to his weight because many corrupt politicians are overweight.
  • Bounty Hunter Bill hates being called Bill which is a reference to how he acts in game when called Bill.
  • Richard is a privateer because he is eeking the trust of King Breasly who knows the location of an item Richard is seeking. This is a reference to events in The Goldvane Trilogy.
  • Chris Swordbones throws rats at Sir Carlos as a reference to the rat throwing he often does.
  • Miss Telltale's hidden blade is a reference to her legendary hidden blade that she often talks about.
  • Benjamin Macmorgan's multiple personalities is a reference to all the jobs he has, all the roles he adopts and all the various wiki pages he makes.
  • The body that Capt. Skull X wants to keep for Hermit ( Chris Swordbones ) is a reference to Hermit's cannibalism.



Characters

We can chose to portray your character as a villain if we wish, if you have any suggestions for your character please private message Jack Pistol or Edgar Wildrat on the wiki chat.

  • Jack Pistol - Hired by Daggerpaine Industries
  • Prince Edgar Wildrat - Hired by Daggerpaine Industries
  • Lawrence Daggerpaine - Owner and Manager of Daggerpaine Industries
  • Bill Plunderbones -Vice Manager of Daggerpaine Industries
  • John Breasly - King of Enland
  • Sir Carlos Clemente - King of Spain
  • Matthew Blastshot - Head of the British Royal Navy
  • Richard Goldvane - Privateer for England trying to earn trust of King Breasly who knows the location of an item Richard seeks.
  • Captain Skull X - Captain of the ship and crew used to trasnport Jack and Edgar's search party around.
  • Chris Swordbones - Temporary Spanish goon/spying on them and friend of Jack Pistol and Edgar Wildrat
  • Miss Telltale - In Jack and Edgar's search party and is the love interest of captain Skull
  • Simon Redskull - The brains of the Jack and Edgar's search party.
  • Captain Robert - A corrupt Britsih Royal Navy thug
  • William Yellowbones - Son of Prince Edgar Wildrat
  • Davy Gunfish - Head of Spanish Armada
  • Bobby Moon - Cheeky Secretary
  • Jim Bloodsilver - Stalker and suspect
  • Jason Yelloweagle - King John's advisor



Characters Who Need Portrayers/Roles and Upcoming Characters


  • Spanish Inquisitionists
  • British Royal Navy Men
  • Spanish Royla Navy Men
  • Residents of Nicholas' Estate
  • Jeffrey Blasthawk
  • Jason Shiprat
  • Capt. Lannon - Lawrence's crew in last battle
  • Zeke - Spanish Inquisitionist
  • Jacky Wolf - Messenger
  • Nicholas Nikolai - Owns a private estate in Spain
  • Cherie - Lives in Nicholas' estate.
  • Roger Wildeagle - Lives in Nicholas' estate
  • Slappy - Spanish assassin
  • Davy Badbones
  • Don Roberto De Muerte
  • Jack Swordmenace - Head of military at Nicholas' Estate
  • Johnny Goldtimbers - Old British man


Character Profiles

These are the characters of the play with a brief description listed in Order of Appearance.


Lawrence Daggerpaine


Protagonist

LawPlay

Role - The genius behind the work at Daggerpaine Industries. He was hired by King John Breasly to make improved the Ship of the Line designs that could be used to fight off the Spanish Armada.

Personality - Lawrence is one of the more sane characters in Jack and Edgar's search party. He has leadership skills and quick to come to a clever decision. He always addresses people formally, calling them Mr, Mrs or Miss.



Bill Plunderbones


Protagonist
BillPlay

Role - Lawrence's right hand man and the creator of the designs. He also saw through the ships' construction while the rest searhced to retrieve the stolen designs.

Personality - Bill is much like Lawrence because he always addresses people formally and is slightly more sane than most of the characters. He is loyal and helpful and a good hard worker.



Bobby Moon


Antagonist
BobPlay

Role - Lawrence's secretary at Daggerpaine Industries.

Personality - Bobby is a fiesty, ill-tempered woman who is not very fond of King John Breasly, usually referring to him as an oaf. She is fairly lazy and her obsession with food causes eating to top her priorities with everything she does.


William Yellowbones


Protagonist

YellowbonesPlay

Role - Son of Prince Edgar Wildrat of England and the grandson of King John Breasly.

Personality - William is a fairly spoilt child or royal birth. He always has to have his way and shows no respect for anyone. He is smarter than he looks but he is not very handy with a blade.


John Breasly


Protagonist

KingJohnPlay2

Role - King of England who hired Lawrence to create the Advanced Ship of the Line designs for him.

Personality - John is surprisingly eccentric and controversial for his position of power. He is not afraid to throw around some dirty words or jokes. He isn't a fan of reading long boring documents and he is known too threaten his servants with odd punishments.



Jack Pistol


Protagonist

JackPlay

Role - Hired as a detective to search for the stolen designs with his good friend, Edgar.

Personality - Jack is slightly psychotic and not very moral. He has a drinking problem and an obsession for money, fancy coats and wenches.


Edgar Wildrat


Protagonist

EdgarPlay

Role - A great friend of Jack's who was also hired to retrieve the designs and he is the Prince of England.

Personality - Edgar, like many of the characters, is mostly insane. He is the Prince but openly engages in piracy and warfare without protection. He has an uncontrollable obsession with gambling and is generally violent.


Simon Redskull


Protagonist
TamaPlay

Role - The brains behind the operations in Jack and Edgar's Search party.

Personality - Simon is an intelligent young outlaw that has used his smarts to learn dark secrets of the British Royal Navy and other such organizations and for that he is wanted by the British Royal Navy. When Edgar and Jack are fighting with Skull he usually has to step in to try and solve the problem.


Cortez


Antagonist


Role - Sir Carlos' main henchman and advisor.

Personality - Cortez is a mean bad-tempered Spanish goon who is very dangerous. He is a skilled fighter and charismatic when it comes to leading the Spanish goons against his enemies.


Sir Carlos Clemente


Antagonist
FruitPlay

Role - King of Spain and primary antagonist.

Personality - Carlos is the bad-tempered king who is behind the Spanish Armada attacking England. He is easy to anger and has a deep distaste for Chris Swordbones. He thinks of himself as the world's greatest treasure but isn't too much in battle.


Chris Swordbones


Protagonist

HermitPlay

Role - Spy for England and friend of Captain Skull X.

Personality - Chris is a comical tough guy who keeps himself busy by harassing King Carlos. He enjoys pelting his enemies with rats and being a general disruption to the Spanish's progression.


Capt. Skull X


Protagonist

SkullPlay

Role - The ultimate tough guy on Jack and Edgar's search team.

Personality - Skull is easily angered especially if his "pathetic excuse for a ship" is ridiculed. He is a big strong man with a passion for a good fight. He is overall a nice person so long as you are on his good side. He is madly in love with Miss Telltale and she is his only weak point.


Miss Telltale


Protagonist

MissPlay

Role - The only woman on Jack and Edgar's search team.

Personality - Miss Telltale is a hardcore lady with a lust for good payment. She is famed for killing her enemies with her hidden blade and enjoys terrorizing the helpless. Skull is madly in love with her but she finds him annoying and unattractive so there is constant tension between the two.



Richard Goldvane


Protagonist
GoldPlay

Role - English Privateer Captain serving Matthew Blastshot

Personality - Secretive. Remains moderately loyal to England, yet only a Privateer to gain the trust of the king, to learn the location of a secret item. He usually saves Matthew when Matthew is oblivious to the dangers about him and is forced to do the bidding of the insane admiral.


Matthew Blastshot


Protagonist
MatthewPlay

Role - Admiral of British Royal Navy.

Personality - Matthew is almost always completely oblivious to the dangers around him and hardly ever listens to what his loyal friend, Richard Goldvane, is saying. He spends a lot of his time writing extremely long letters to King John, which bores John to tears. Matthew loves crumpets and is determined to eat one as often as possible.


Jason Yelloweagle


Protagonist

JasonPlay

Role - Royal Advisor and servant of King John Breasly.

Personality - Jason is a loyal servant of King Breasly and usually gets whatever job he is assigned done in good time. He is hard working and is willing to help his king.



Captain Robert
Antagonist
FatRobertPlay

Role - Corrupt British Royal Navy captain.

Personality - Robert is a corrupt captain with a lust for revenge on Jack Pistol, Simon Redskull and Miss Telltale for events in the past. His evil is easily overcome by a simple bribe but sometimes his taste for revenge can surpass that.




Davy Gunfish


Antagonist
DavyPlay

Role - Admiral of the Spanish Armada

Personality - Davy is a ruthless Admiral in the Spanish Armada.





Jim Bloodsilver
Antagonist

BloodsilverPlay

Role - Commoner of England

Personality - Jim is a slightly insane commoner and a huge fan of King Breasly.


Johnny Coaleaston


Protagonist

JohnnyPlay

Role - Member of teh British Royal Navy

Personality - Johnny is a veteran Captain in the British Royal Navy and is always ambitious and eager to serve his country.



Benjamin Macmorgan
Protagonist
BenjyPlay

Role - A multi-personalitied lunatic

Personality - Benjamin adopts many personalities and egos and it is never clear which he truly is and if all he claims is true.


Captain Leon


Antagonist
LeonPlay

Role - Diabolical Inquisitionist Leader

Personality - Leon is ruthless and cunning and becomes a major threat to Jack and Edgar.



If you would like to be a character ask in the comments and we hold the rights to portray you as we wish, you may ask for a certain type of character but that doesnt mean you will get it, we will chose your dialogue.


Add this userbox if you are a character in the play with this code: {{MSD}}


The Mystery of The Stolen Design Logo The Mystery of The Stolen Design features in The Mystery of The Stolen Design Play!






Act I
Scene 1
Lawrence enters his office at Daggerpaine Industries. There is a letter with the seal of King Breasly on his desk.Lawrence Daggerpaine: What's this? He opens letter and reads aloud. Lawrence Daggerpaine: (Reading)

Dear Lawrence Daggerpaine,                                                                                                                                         It has come to my attention that Sir Carlos Clemente, King of Spain, has a fleet in English waters. Carlos himself is not imposing, however the fleet is a large danger to England. My Navy can hold it off, but it will cost us many men and ships. That is why it is important that you modify the design for The Ship of The Line. It is important that this top secret mission is revealed to no one. If Spain finds out they will launch a counterattack that will be devastating. Make sure that nobody finds this letter! Please begin on the design as soon as possible. Enclosed is a copy of current Ship of The Line blueprints.Sincerely,                                                                                                                                                    King John Breasly.  

                                                                                                                                 

Lawrence: Bill, can you come in here quickly? We have work to do!

Bill Plunderbones: Is it a commission from Mr. Breasly? If not, I'm very of busy.

Lawrence Daggerpaine: Nice guess, Bill! The Spanish Armada has been spotted in English waters, and Mr. Breasly wants an improved Ship of the Line design. Here are the original blueprints.

Lawrence hands over the blueprints to Bill.

Bill Plunderbones: I'll look over the blueprints and leave them on your desk before I leave tonight. (Aside) And what a long night it's going to be. Darn those Spanish and their military activity!

Lawrence Daggerpaine: Thank you, Bill! I'm going to go now. I'll look over your designs in the morning.

Lawrence puts the letter down on his desk.

Both Exit

Scene II



It is the next morning at Daggerpaine Industries. Enter Lawrence Daggerpaine, holding his clipboard. His cheeky secretary, Bobby Moon, is already there.

Lawrence Daggerpaine: Good morning Miss Moon.

Bobby Moon: Morning, Law.

Lawrence Daggerpaine: Could you send a letter to Mr Breasly telling him we have finished the designs for his ship and that we will begin working immediately.

Bobby Moon: Can I go on my break first?

Lawrence Daggerpaine: You just got here, how can you already need a break? (Writes something on clipboard) Please just do it.

Enter Bill

Lawrence Daggerpaine: Morning, Bill. Did you finish the designs last night?

Bill Plunderbones: Yes they are on your desk.

Lawrence Daggerpaine: Great, we will begin work on the ships tomorrow. Take the designs with you tonight for safe keeping.

Bill Plunderbones: Okay.

Bobby Moon: What's that oaf you call a king's last name again? I need it for the letter.

Lawrence Daggerpaine: That "oaf" contributes to your salary, Miss Moon. And I would prefer it if you called him Mr Breasly rather than an oaf.

All exit.

Scene III



Bill Plunderbones is fast asleep in his house

Bill Plunderbones: (Sleep-talking) Light.....Light.....Caboost....Light.....Esmeralda...Light...

Large crashing sound is heard.

Bill Plunderbones: (Awake) Wha...?

Bill goes back to sleep.

Another large crash is heard.

Bill Plunderbones: Who's there?

Bill gets up and walks into other room of his house and sees a thief hunched over looking for the plans.

Bill Plunderbones: Hey!

Bill draws his sword.

The thief turns around with a face is covered by a hood.

Bill Plunderbones: (As thief runs away from the room) Stop right there!

Thief is cornered and starts to duel Bill.

Bill parries a lunge and cuts at the thief's head.

Thief cries out in pain throws a dagger at Bill and jumps out of the window.

Bill Plunderbones: (Looking at wound) He got away......

Bill falls unconscious.

Scene IV



King John is sitting in his throne room relaxing.

Enter William Yellowbones

William Yellowbones: My Lord, I have in my possession three letters addressed to Your Majesty.

King John: Which of the three bears the best news?

William Yellowbones: (Steps forward) I believe it's this one from a, Lawrence Daggerpaine of Daggerpaine Industries.

King John: Ah, news of the ship no doubt. And the other two letters?

William Yellowbones: The first is from Lord Blastshot, who has returned to English waters from the Caribbean. And the other is hate-mail from that cretin that has been stealing your socks, My Liege.

King John: Discard the hate-mail and bring forth, so I may read, the letter from Lawrence Daggerpaine.

William Yellowbones gives King John the letter.

King John: (Reading)

Your majesty,

With the help of my companions at Daggerpaine Industries, I have completely redesigned and improved the Ship of the Lines as per your request. Work on the vessels is underway as your eyes scan the ink on this page. Once the fleet is completed I will personally see to it that the fleet crosses the Atlantic Ocean safely and docks in an English harbor. The commoners of Spain will not even be able to use Sir Carlos Clemente’s navy as firewood after Your Majesty’s Admirals touch the helms of these vessels. Enclosed is the improved Ship of the Line design.

Sincerely

Lawrence Daggerpaine

The improved designs are not with the letter.

King John: Have you got the improved designs that came with the letter?

William Yellowbones: No, My Lord, only one sheet of paper was there and you are holding it.

King John: He must have forgotten it. How long is Lord Blastshot’s letter?

William Yellowbones: Four pages.

King John: Tell me the facts.

William Yellowbones: He has returned to English waters and has noticed an abundance of Spanish ships.

King John: It took him four pages to say that!? Reply to Lawrence asking for a second copy of the improved designs, have some ships and our newest privateer captain, Richard Goldvane, as well to go help Lord Blastshot find safe passage back to London and see to it that the stalking, sock-stealing cretin is arrested!

William Yellowbones: At once, Your Majesty!

Both exit.

Scene V



At Daggerpaine Industries. Enter Lawrence Daggerpaine holding his clipboard and reading a letter. Enter Bill Plunderbones running.

Lawrence Daggerpaine: Look at this Bill. I found this letter on my desk this morning. It seems Miss Moon has resigned because her grandmother living in Spain has died and she has moved back to support the family.

Bill Plunderbones: Shame maybe that explains her poor disposition and awful attitude. Anyway, now we’re going to need another new secretary!

Lawrence Daggerpaine: Hmm…(Writes something on clipboard) Sadly you're right we will have to send out a poster advertising the job and hope we can hire someone soon.

Bill Plunderbones: Speaking of hiring. You might want to hire a detective.

Lawrence Daggerpaine: Why is that?

Bill Plunderbones: The designs were stolen last night and I don’t know who took them.

Lawrence Daggerpaine: (Hits Bill with clipboard) Well now what on earth are we going to do, Bill?! I’ve already told Mr. Breasly that the ships’ construction begins today and I can’t tell him that we have been delayed and that the plans might have fallen into Spanish hands! You know how he feels about incompetence!

Bill Plunderbones: (Sounding like he's in pain) Well that’s why we need someone to retrieve the designs for us before Mr. Breasly finds out and before Mr. Clemente starts to build a whole new navy!

Lawrence Daggerpaine: Well who could we hire? Do you know any good detectives?

Enter Jack Pistol holding a document and a single barrel black pistol and Edgar Wildrat with a gold-handled saber.

Bill Plunderbones: (Mockingly) Protect me Caboost!

Jack Pistol: (Throws document at Lawrence) Law I have completed your Weak Ear Quest that required people to solve riddles in French in certain documents that you have written. I believe there is a reward?

Lawrence Daggerpaine: Yes, the reward is this fancy decorated box that says you have completed my quest. You can keep anything you like in there.

Edgar Wildrat: Jack, I thought you were receiving a reward in the form of small circular shiny objects that could fund our poker game this afternoon?

Jack Pistol: That’s the other reason I told you to bring your saber Edgar.

Bill Plunderbones: What’s the first?

Jack Pistol: Gambling isn’t fun if you don’t win, Bill.

Bill Plunderbones: (Laughing) Do you want the opportunity to increase the value of your reward?

Jack Pistol: I’m listening.

Lawrence Daggerpaine: Mr. Breasly, (Pointing to Edgar) your grandfather, has noticed an increase in Spanish vessels around some of his key ports in England. There is no war as of yet but Mr. Breasly is aware of Mr. Clemente’s temperamental attitude and has asked us to redesign the Ship of the Line in such a way that it can better the vessels of the Spanish Armada.

Jack Pistol: Do you want me to captain one of these ships for King Breasly?

Bill Plunderbones: We would prefer if you retrieved the stolen designs before Mr. Clemente lays eyes on them.

Edgar Wildrat: They were stolen? By who?

Lawrence Daggerpaine: That’s the question you two must answer.

Jack Pistol: What’s the reward?

Lawrence Daggerpaine: How would you two like a post aboard one of these fine vessels?

Edgar Wildrat: Can you include some money in that deal?

Jack Pistol: What about a coat worthy of the post?

Lawrence Daggerpaine: Yes and yes.

Edgar Wildrat: I accept!

Jack Pistol: Hmm…will there be wenches on our quest for the stolen designs?

Bill Plunderbones: Most likely.

Jack Pistol: I accept!

Lawrence Daggerpaine: Great! Uh, Edgar could you keep this subject low? I don’t want your grandfather to learn of this little dilemma.

Edgar Wildrat: Of course I can.

Bill Plunderbones: It’s a deal. You can go to my house and check the factory for clues if you like.

Jack Pistol: Not before my 11 o’clock rum, Bill.

All exit.


Act II
Scene I




At Bill Plunderbones' residence. Enter Jack Pistol, Edgar Wildrat and Bill Plunderbones.

Bill Plunderbones: This is the room I hid the designs in. Feel free to snoop around I must get back to work to try and see if we can somehow begin work on the ships.

Jack Pistol: Do you happen to hide anything else in this room besides designs and other documents of importance?

Bill Plunderbones: Such as?

Jack Pistol: You know, booze and such?

Edgar Wildrat: Or spare change?

Bill Plunderbones: I really need to go.

Exit Bill Plunderbones.

Edgar Wildrat: Let's get started!

Jack Pistol: Okay, I'll check this side of the room you check that side of the room.

They begin searching the room.

Edgar Wildrat: (Holding a small emblem with a pear fruit on it) What's this?

Jack Pistol: Is it a clue?

Edgar Wildrat: How must I know?

Jack Pistol: Hmm... It looks like an emblem. I'm not familiar with its design so I can't tell whose it is.

Edgar Wildrat: Well a clue usually points someone somewhere significant. Where do you think we are supposed to go next?

Jack Pistol: This clue significantly points me towards the bar we saw down the street. I think we should check it out!

Edgar Wildrat: (Facepalm) Ugh, we are definitely going to need some brains for this operation, you and I are not the best of detectives.

Jack Pistol: What about Simon Redskull? He is very intelligent and I hear he is in need of a job.

Edgar Wildrat: Let's hire him!

Jack Pistol: We will talk with him over a drink at the bar that has become significantly attractive.

Both exit.

Scene II




At the near by bar. Enter Simon Redskull, Edgar Wildrat and Jack Pistol.

Jack Pistol: (To waiter) I would like a tankard of your finest and or cheapest rum.

Simon Redskull: Let's focus please. What did you want to see me about?

Edgar Wildrat: We have a case to solve and we're not....The best detectives.

Simon Redskull: What's the problem?

Jack Pistol: John Breasly asked D.I. to make improved ship of the line blueprints to fight of Spanish vessels.

Edgar Wildrat: The blueprints were stolen, someone crept into Bill Plunderbones's house and took them.

Waiter comes with rum. Unbeknownst to them she is the secretary from Daggerpaine Industries

Jack Pistol: (Taking a drink) About time, too!

Simon Redskull: So you want me to help you find the culprit? Have you looked at the scene of the crime? Did you find anything?

Jack Pistol: Yes. (Hiccups)

Edgar Wildrat gives the small emblem to Simon Redskull.

Simon Redskull: I know this! This emblem is Spanish, the thief most have been working for Spain!

Jack Pistol: Then that's our next destination!!!

Jack Pistol gets up and falls over.

Edgar Wildrat: I'll get a ship. We will set sail, soon.

Edgar bends over Jack and takes a sack of money out his pocket then puts it in his own.

Edgar and Simon then help Jack up and take him outside.

All exit.


Scene III



At King Carlos Clemente's Castle in Spain, Madrid. Enter King Carlos Clemente, Cortez, his royal advisor and loyal assistant and Chris Swordbones, his temporary goon.

Cortez: (Bowing) You wished to see me, sir?

Carlos Clemente: Yes, and I would prefer it if you called me king and if that other man bowed (pointing at Chris).

Cortez: My apologies sire. Bow before the king, Chris!

Chris begins to chew on celery.

Carlos Clemente: When will the spy return with the designs for the ships?

Cortez: My king, the plans will be here within a week.

Carlos Clemente: And by what time can we begin building?

Cortez: Immediately. We have already begun collecting wood and supplies for building.

Carlos Clemente: I want it done as soon as we can.

Cortez: Yes sire!

Cortez sees Chris is still not bowing.

Cortez: Bow before the king you ingrate!

Chris Swordbones: I'm only temporary. Bowing is unnecessary.

Carlos Clemente: You will bow or become unwelcome in these lands, Swordbones!

Chris Swordbones: (Stops chewing celery) I don't bow to fruits, Pear!

Chris turns on his heels and makes way for the door. Carlos Clemente flies into a fit of rage.

Carlos Clemente: Salga usted escoria!

Chris Swordbones: Comes mis shorts y vas al infierno.

Exit Chris Swordbones.

Carlos Clemente: Make sure he leaves by sundown or I will kill him.

Cortez: As you wish, my king.

Carlos Clemente: Lawrence will try and retrieve the designs, see to it personally that he fails.

Cortez: How shall I do that?

Carlos Clemente: Track him down and stop him dead in his tracks. He will probably journey to Spain in search of his designs soon.

Cortez: I will take some men with me to deal with this minor threat.

Carlos Clemente: Good.

Both exit.



Scene IV



Enter Lawrence Daggerpaine, Bill Plunderbones, Simon Redskull, Jack Pistol and Edgar Wildrat being followed by a small crew of six men.

Edgar Wildrat: This is the crew that will be dragging us across the Atlantic (Pointing at small crew behind him) and that is the ship (Pointing to a small ship).

Lawrence Daggerpaine: The ship is smaller than the crew!

From the crew of six men standing behind Edgar Wildrat the largest steps forward.

Large Crewman: That ship, under the command of me, Captain Skull X, has successfully looted an entire Spanish Treasure Fleet and sunk several war galleons.

Simon Redskull: You hired a bunch of squabbling pirates with an ego-maniac for a leader, Edgar?

Edgar Wildrat: They came with the ship, it was a great package deal!

Lawrence pulls out clipboard and does a few calculations.

Lawrence Daggerpaine: Hmm... By the standards and size of that ship I think that only seven or eight of us can go aboard without the ship eventually sinking. I also took the food and other supplies into my calculations.

Bill Plunderbones: (Counting) There are eleven of us.

Lawrence Daggerpaine: Three people will have to stay here.

Simon Redskull: Thank you, Professor. I believe that we should decide who stays by....

Edgar Wildrat pulls out his gold tri-barreled pistol and shoots three of the crewmembers.

Edgar Wildrat: (Reloading) Did I kill enough?

Jack Pistol: Thank you, Edgar! That's much better! All aboard?

All but Jack, Edgar and the dead crewmen look stunned.

A voice is heard.

Voice: Jack, you idiot!!! Why didn't you come to the poker game? I've lost and now the fools we were going to scam want to kill me.

Shots fly past the approaching enraged woman.

Jack Pistol: Sorry, Miss found a better source of income.

Capt. Skull X stares besottedly at Miss Telltale.

Miss Telltale: I'm including myself. Let me just deal with these angry gamblers and I'll join you.

The mob approaches and Miss draws her hidden blade. Capt. Skull X steps forward and charges the mob. He defends Miss and fights off the mob without giving her a chance to fight them.

Miss Telltale: Could have done it myself, but I like a free escape. Jack, is there space on the ship?

Before Edgar can do anything Jack kicks a crewmember into the water.

Lawrence Daggerpaine: Right this way Miss uh... Miss Miss.

Bill Plunderbones: Law, I think I should stay here and see what I can do to get the vessels construction underway.

Lawrence Daggerpaine: Good thinking Bill. I'll see you when we return. If this ship doesn't sink or if Edgar and Jack don't get us killed. Send my reports regarding the ship construction and I believe Mr Breasly requested a second copy of the improved designs you will have to make another copy of your improvements from memory.

All exit.


Scene V



Aboard the HMS Victory. Enter Captain Richard Goldvane, Lord Matthew Blastshot and Navy guards.

Captain Goldvane: You wished to see me, sir?

Matthew Blastshot: Yes, is the fleet ready?

Explosions and ship vibrating is heard and seen.

Captain Goldvane: Well, I'm only a privateer Captain in the employ of England, but as far as I can tell, not quite yet, sir.

Blastshot walks to maps and begins plotting courses.

Matthew Blastshot: What do you mean not quite yet? The Spanish Armada is fast approaching our ports and all we are doing is standing here! I want the fleet ready, when will it be ready? Why isn't it ready? IS it ready?

Captain Goldvane: Sir, the fleet is incomplete without the new ship of the lines.

A ship swings backward and part of it explodes.

Matthew Blastshot: (Barely noticing) We will have to do without it.

Captain Goldvane: Yes sir! I will prepare to launch the ships, or at least what we have, immediately! It will take a while for us to reach the Spanish, rest assured I will support your fleet with my ship!

Matthew Blastshot: Excellent, we have not been given permission to take the offensive yet, but we can do the best to ensure that no more Spanish ships enter our waters and that none of them get any closer to England!

A cannonball and shards fly through room.

Blastshot doesn't seem to notice, but Goldvane and the navy guards race for the door.

All exit.


Act III

Scene I



Aboard Capt. Skull X's ship, l'Invincible Radeau. Enter Jack Pistol, Edgar Wildrat, Simon Redskull and Capt. Skull X.

Edgar Wildrat: Simon, how far are we from Spanish the coast?

Simon Redskull: We should see the coastline very soon.

Jack takes the helm.

Capt. Skull X: Do you even know how to steer a ship?

Jack Pistol: This would be more like directing a raft.

Capt. Skull X: Stop insulting my fine vessel!

Land can be seen on the horizon.

Edgar Wildrat: Land! We are finally here!

Jack begins to turn the ship's wheel left until the ship is parallel to the coastline on the horizon.

Simon Redskull: Jack, what do you think you are doing?!

Capt. Skull X: I knew he couldn't steer a ship!

Jack Pistol: It would be extremely stupid of us to think that we can land this raft over there, in Spanish territory, travel all the way to King Carlos' castle or where ever the designs have been taken and expect it to be exactly as we left it.

Edgar Wildrat: You have a point. We would also probably never make it all the way to the King's castle if we travel straight through Spanish land.

Jack Pistol: That's why I plan for us to land in the South-West of France and travel down into Spain to an estate owned and operated by my cousin, Nicholas Nikolai, to resupply ourselves, and then continue by back road to the capitol.

Simon Redskull: Would Nicholas perhaps have a real ship that can return us to the Caribbean safely?

Jack Pistol: We can only hope and pray!

Capt. Skull X: What's that supposed to mean?

Edgar Wildrat: Well, this "ship" of yours is more of a one-way ticket than anything else, Skull.

All except Capt. Skull X laugh.

Capt. Skull X: And what do you mean by "a real ship", Simon?

Jack Pistol: What do you mean Simon? This isn't even a fake ship!

All except Capt. Skull X laugh.

Capt. Skull X draws his sword and charges Edgar and Jack.

He thrusts with his sword at Edgar.

Edgar dodges and draws his saber.

Capt. Skull X hacks twice at Jack.

Jack dodges the first then draws his cutlass and blocks the second.

Capt. Skull X overhead cuts at Edgar. He misses and his sword slams into the railing in front of the helm.

Simon draws his sword and hits Capt. Skull X's sword that is now on the railing, loosening his grip and causing him to drop it.

Simon Redskull: Have you simians been so caught up hacking steel at each other that you haven't noticed the oncoming danger?

A Man-O-War flying English colors and a one other flag is approaching.

Enter the rest of the crew: Lawrence Daggerpaine and Miss Telltale.

Miss Telltale: Can't you idiots shut up while I sleep?

Capt. Skull X: My beauty awakes. Did you dream of me as I did of you?

Miss Telltale: Shut up.

Edgar Wildrat: That's Captain Robert's ship.

Jack Pistol: I foresee him delaying us!

Edgar Wildrat: I foresee him watching his tongue and bowing to the prince.

Simon Redskull: He's a corrupt navy captain, Edgar. You will have to bribe your way out of this.

Edgar Wildrat: I would have money if Law rewarded Jack properly!

Lawrence Daggerpaine: And I would have money to reward Jack properly if your father paid me half upfront for the designs!

Simon Redskull: Can we focus, please?!

Capt. Skull X: (While rubbing the railing of the ship) Not to worry, I've defeated stronger ships than that one on this beauty.

Jack Pistol: Sure you have. This raft is a feat of technology! I mean it can float the whole way across an ocean.

Lawrence Daggerpaine: Well what are we going to do? Mr. Macmonger will arrest most of us and financially cripple the rest!

Miss Telltale: I could kill him with meh hidden blade?

Jack Pistol: Miss, I don't think your hidden anything could stop him.

Capt. Skull X suddenly snaps out of a daze and looks alert. He then looks mesmerized at Miss.

Capt. Skull X: Her hidden what?

Edgar Wildrat: Let's all go below deck and try and figure this out.

All head for the lower deck.

Capt. Skull X follows close behind Miss.

Capt. Skull X: So tell me more about your um.... hidden blade?

All exit.

A slap is heard offstage.

Scene II



At King John's palace. Enter William Yellowbones and Jason Yelloweagle, holding two letters.

Jason Yelloweagle: (Bowing) Good morning, sir.

William Yellowbones: Good morning, Yelloweagle. What are you holding?

Jason Yelloweagle: Letters for His Majesty.

William Yellowbones: Let me read them!

Jason Yelloweagle: They are for the king, not his grandson.

William Yellowbones: Do you want to be hung?

Jason Yelloweagle: Sorry, sir.

William changes his expression already forgetting about the letters.

William Yellowbones: Jason.

Jason Yelloweagle: Yes, my lord?

William Yellowbones: Why is my father not here?

Jason Yelloweagle: Well, I don't know because I can't ask him because of his absence, you see?

William Yellowbones: Sounds like a cheap excuse to me. Go see if he needs help getting ready!

Jason Yelloweagle: At once!

Jason Yelloweagle heads to the door.

Enter John Breasly, wearing shoes but no socks.

Jason turns around and heads back to William.

Jason Yelloweagle: My king, where are your socks?!

King John: Some cretin has run off with them! And it seems I'm also short on one powdered wig!

Jason Yelloweagle: Well, okay. I have some letters addressed to you, sire.

King John: Who are they from?

Jason Yelloweagle: (Holding the letters) This one is from Daggerpaine Industries and this one is from Lord Matthew Blastshot.

King John: Let me see the one from Daggerpaine Industries.

Jason hands the letter to King John.

King John: (Reading)

Your Majesty

The construction of the improved ship of the line fleet is underway. Enclosed is a copy of the improved designs as per your request. The vessels should be completed soon and then be brought to England.

Sincerely

Bill Plunderbones

King John looks at the improved designs.

King John: Impressive Lawrence! Show me the other letter, Jason.

Jason gives King John the letter from Lord Matthew Blastshot.

King John opens the letter and finds that it is eight pages long.

King John: I only asked him to tell me how the fleet was coming along and he sends me an eight page letter! The man is a bloody bore!

William Yellowbones: What of your sock thief?

King John: Hmm... Jason, have the royal tailor make me several new pairs of socks. William, increase palace security and have anyone suspected of this sick crime arrested!

William Yellowbones: And hung?

King John: Yes! And throw in some maiming too!

All exit.

Scene III



Aboard l'Invincible Radeau. Enter Capt. Skull X, Jack Pistol, Edgar Wildrat, Lawrence Daggerpaine, Simon Redskull and Miss Telltale.

Captain Robert's ship, HMS Thug, is now almost upon them.

Lawrence Daggerpaine: Shall we try reason with Mr Robert?

Simon Redskull: Good luck, trying to talk sense into the Royal Navy's most corrupt captain.

Captain Robert's ship pulls along side and grapples are thrown onto the railing.

Enter Captain Robert accompanied by eight navy soldiers.

Captain Robert: I see three men and a lady who will be spending tonight locked in my ship's brig!

Edgar Wildrat: Captain Robert, I order you to return to your ship and sail away.

Captain Robert: And a prince who will be paying a steep price for his kingly father not to hear of his acquaintance with four criminals.

Simon Redskull: You're a corrupt thug!

Captain Robert: And you are the first of the four to be put under arrest.

Lawrence Daggerpaine: What is Simon charged with?

Captain Robert: He interests himself in military documents and secrets he should not know about. He has often stolen important paperwork from the navy.

Two navy guards grab Simon and put cuffs on his wrists.

They take him behind Robert and hold him there.

Navy Guard 1: Who is next sir?

Captain Robert: Ladies first. Arrest Miss Telltale for murder, theft, lawlessness and many other crimes including turning down a marriage to me.

Capt. Skull X: How dare you try and marry this fine lady!

Captain Robert: Arrest him too. He has fired on ships owned by His Majesty with this poor excuse of a ship.

Capt. Skull X: On the country! My ship, l'Invincible Radeau is a fine majestic vessel!

One of the navy guards laughs.

Navy Guard 2: (In a French accent) I believe you mean contrary, it is shocking that me, a Frenchman, can speak better English then an Englishman.

Capt. Skull X: The correct term is gooder English but I'll let it slide because you are still learning, Mr Frenchman.

Navy Guard 2 rolls his eyes.

Navy Guard 2: (Still in his French accent) By the way who named your ship?

Capt. Skull X: The man who I bought it from did. He said it was French for The Invincible Titan!

Navy Guard 2: He was lying to you, it means (while laughing) The Invincible Raft!

All begin to giggle.

Captain Robert: Enough jokes! Arrest them!

Miss and Capt. Skull X are both approached by two navy guards. 'Their hands are cuffed and they are taken to stand next to Simon.

Miss Telltale: Please, dont make me share a cell with this guy!

Captain Robert: We are short on space, you will have to. (Evil laugh)

Capt. Skull X: And I think to myself what a wonderful world!

Captain Robert: And now for Jack Pistol. Cuff him!

Two navy guards approach Jack.

Lawrence Daggerpaine: Is there no way we can reason with you?

Captain Robert: Only one thing can sway my decisions and it seems none of you have that one thing.

Captain Skull X: Is it a majestic vessel? I have one of those!

Edgar Wildrat: You idiot! He means money!

Before the navy guards reach Jack, he draws his sword and hacks at the nearest of the two. 'Edgar draws his saber and slashes at the other one. 'Robert fires a shot with his pistol and everyone stops. 'The other guards race forward, grab Jack and cuff him.

Captain Robert: You just love to annoy me don't you, Jack? And you too Edgar! You are both bloody pests.

Jack is taken to stand with the other prisoners.

Captain Robert: Edgar, I expect to have my bribe before I reach your father if not you can expect to be disowned. (Evil laugh)

Exit Captain Robert, The eight Navy Guards and the four prisoners to Robert's ship.

Lawrence Daggerpaine: The loss of Mr Pistol and the rest does mean less people to reward, however, it means a harder job for us and the possibility of Mr Wildrat being reported to his father.

Edgar Wildrat: So we rescue them!

All exit

Scene IV



Enter Bill Plunderbones in a massive drydock at Daggerpaine Industries filled with the Advanced Ship of the Lines under construction.

Bill Plunderbones: Bounty Hunter Bill?!

Enter Bounty Hunter Bill holding a brisket.

Bounty Hunter Bill: Don't call me that! UGH! Call me Hunter!

Bill Plunderbones: Sorry Mr Hunter, I always forget. How are the ships coming along?

Bounty Hunter Bill: ( Screaming ) Well then DON'T forget!!! Why do I even work here?!

Bill Plunderbones: ( Calmly ) Because you need the pay Mr Hunter.

Bounty Hunter Bill: ( In full on rage now ) NEED THE PAY!!! HOW DARE YOU!?

Bill Plunderbones: Mr Hunter calm down please.

Hunter begins to froth at the mouth.

Bounty Hunter Bill: ( Speech is distorted because of froth ) HOthW flth DA...DA fth fffsh....

Bill Plunderbones: Bill are you okay?

Hunter enters a screaming fit stage and froth flies everywhere.

Bill can barely make out the words "Hunter! Hunter is my name fool!".

Bill Plunderbones: Sorry again Hunter. I'll try remember next time.

Bill hands Hunter a rag to wash his mouth off.

Bill Plunderbones: So how is the construction coming?

Bounty Hunter Bill: ( Still sounding a bit angry ) They are coming along fine, sir! Except we are a bit behind because I had to fire a few men who worked on the hulls.

Bill Plunderbones: Were they drinking on the job again?

Bounty Hunter Bill: No they called me Bill when I greeted them!

Bill Plunderbones: Eh do you really think firing them was worthy of their crime.

Bounty Hunter Bill: I was going to murder them but I didn't want any blood on my brisket.

Bill Plunderbones: Uh, lets just take a look at the ships, shall we?

Bounty Hunter Bill: Sure.

Bill Plunderbones and Bounty Hunter Bill begin walking down the drydock looking at the ships surrounding them.

Bounty Hunter Bill: How long do you think it will take to finish them?

Bill Plunderbones: Probably another week or two if we rehire the hull bracers. When we are done we will have to sail them to Mr Breasly so he can use them in an epic naval engagement against Mr Clemente.

Bounty Hunter Bill: I'll rehire them on final warning! And as a punishment they can do over-time.

Bill Plunderbones: That might not be a good...You know what? Nevermind, at least we will finish sooner.

Bounty Hunter Bill: Okay, I'll go find them.

Both exit.

Scene V



Enter Matthew Blastshot and Richard Goldvane on a British Royal Navy ship.

A Spanish Armada ship is closing in on them.

Richard Goldvane: Sir! A Spanish Armada Ship is boarding us!

Grapples are thrown aboard the ship and Spanish Mariners board the ship.

The Royal Navy Officers begin to fight off the Spanish Mariners.

Matthew Blastshot: ( Calmly ) Where are my crumpets, Goldvane?

Richard Golvane: Sir? We're in the middle of war this isn't the time!.

Matthew Blastshot: ( Ignoring Richard ) Cook! Get me crumpets now or I'll have your head!

Cook comes in carrying a barrel of crumpets. Matthew Blastshot eats one and frowns. One of his officers run by screaming in pain and falls to the ground but Matthew doesn't notice..

Matthew Blastshot: These are undercooked. YOU SCOUNDREL! YOU TREACHOURUS EVIL MURDERER OF EVERYTHING HOLY ON EARTH!

He shoots the cook in the head. 'A hooded assassin appears and begins to fight Goldvane.

Richard Goldvane: Sir! I'm under attack!

The assassin corners Richard Goldvane and stabs him with a dagger. Goldvane dodges kicks him in the face then double back-flips onto a rope ladder. The assassin climbs up and they duel on top of a mast until Richard drops under his enemy and, upside down throws a cufflink through his stomach.

Matthew Blastshot: Richard stop fooling around with your toddler friends and get back down here! I want my crumpets!!!

The Spanish Armada Mariners retreat to their ship in panic when Richard kills the assassin. 'The small Spanish ship cuts the grapple lines and sails away. 'Matthew looks up when he hears a noise but he looks on the starboard side instead of the port side were the Spanish are busy sailing away.

Richard Goldvane: With all due respect sir I think I just saved us from a Spanish Armada, with a-

Matthew Blastshot: Armada?!?!?! Hah! I haven't seen a single other ship out here besides ours for ages! And its been strangely calm for the last week. If you tell foolish lies like that again I might just draft an 8-page letter to His Majesty.

A man falls into a vat of oil and it sets on fire, the ship catches on fire and a bloodcurling scream is heard.

Matthew Blastshot: Richard how nice! You had a fire made for my crumpets!

Matthew cooks crumpets while the crew runs around panicing, Matthew begins to hum Kum-Ba-Yah.

All exit.


Act IV

Scene I



Late night aboard Lord Matthew Blastshot’s ship. Enter Matthew Blastshot.

Matthew Blastshot: Richard!? Richard!!!

The waves hitting the ship’s hull is all that can be heard.

Matthew Blastshot: MATILDA! Matil.. I mean RICHARD!?

Enter Richard Goldvane running.

Richard Goldvane: Were you calling me, sir?

Matthew Blastshot: Who do you think I was calling?

Richard Goldvane: You also shouted out the name Matilda.

Matthew Blastshot: Forgive my forgetfulness, Goldvane! Now, Captain Robert should be passing by soon. You are to accompany him on his ship back to London. Ready the fleet and meet me back here when you can. While you are gone I will have a meeting with Davy Gunfish, Admiral of the Spanish Armada, and maybe I can delay him long enough for you to return.

Richard Goldvane: Sir, last time we were at the drydocks the fleet suffered heavy damage mainly because of our useless workers and because we decided to fill the powder magazines early.

Matthew Blastshot: Richard, some day when you are old and wise like me you will realize that prefilling a powder magazine can save a man’s life.

Richard Goldvane: No disrespect sir, but I am older than you and filling those magazines lost 237 men their lives.

Matthew Blastshot: How noble it is for such numbers to die in battle for the service of their country.

Richard Goldvane: Actually they died in a peaceful area and were in fact mostly slaves forced to serve the country.

Matthew doesn’t notice what Goldvane is saying and he continues to ramble on.

Matthew Blastshot: It is their strong will that makes the pirate cause noble and just and that is why I fight for it!

Richard Goldvane: Isn’t it your aim to kill pirates? And aren’t you fighting for England’s cause?

Matthew forgets what he has just said and thus contradicts himself.

Matthew Blastshot: Richard, try and keep up! Of course I fight for England I slay all unnoble pirates I meet they are very unjust people!

Richard sighs.

Captain Robert’s ship, HMS Thug pulls alongside.

Matthew Blastshot: A sneak attack? Fire at will men!

Richard Goldvane: Sir, it’s Captain Robert.

Matthew Blastshot: In that case, wait for arrogant comment.

Enter Captain Robert climbing aboard the ship.

Captain Robert: Fear not my confused admiral, your Robert has arrived!

Captain Robert bows smugly.

Matthew Blastshot: That’s it you’re fired, Robert, formerly known as ‘Captain Robert’!

Captain Robert holds up a letter with John Breasly’s seal.

Matthew Blastshot: ( Reading )

To prevent the inevitable…

Lord Matthew Blastshot,

If Captain Robert makes a sassy comment, which we both know he will, please refrain from stripping him of his rank and/or firing him. We need him and you know it and besides his corrupt bribery is a great way to fill the coffers, even if he does keep most of it to himself.

Sincerely,

King John Breasly

Matthew Blastshot: Welcome to the British Royal Navy, Captain Robert, formerly known as ‘Robert’, formerly known as ‘Captain Robert’!

Captain Robert: Thank you.

Captain Robert grins.

Captain Robert: Let’s go Goldvane.

Captain Robert gestures Goldvane to board his ship.

Exit Captain Robert and Richard Goldvane to Captain Robert’s ship.

Exit Matthew Blastshot below the deck of his ship.

Faint shouting from Jack Pistol, Simon Redskull, Capt. Skull X and Miss Telltale in the brig can be heard on Captain Robert’s ship.


Scene II



Enter Sir Carlos Clemente and Cortez walking down the halls of the Sir Carlos' royal palace in Spain towards the Royal Harbor.

Sir Carlos Clemente: Cortez, it has been a lengthy three weeks since the spy stole the Advanced Ship of the Line designs, and the crossing from the Caribbean is only two weeks long with a fast ship. Did you give the spy a fast ship?

Cortez: Sire, I gave the spy the fastest ship that can also outgun anyone who attempts to retrieve the designs from it.

Sir Carlos Clemente: So the possibility of the ship being sunk is low? Then why am I not holding the designs and laughing evilly?!

Cortez: There has been bad weather in the Caribbean, My Royalness. Most ships have been stuck there for the past four weeks. The only ships that could leave the harbor are really really small ones.

Sir Carlos Clemente: ( Angry ) Unacceptable! The designs should be in my hands currently!

Enter Chris Swordbones unseen. 'He is on a higher altitude looking down on them in the hall. 'Chris Swordbones begins to pelt Sir Carlos with rats. 'Sir Carlos screams and jumps back and then looks around for the thrower.

Sir Carlos Clemente: Who throws rats at me?! Speak up! Coward I dare you throw another and you shall see!

Another rat is seen being flung over the balcony but Chris is out of sight.

Sir Carlos Clemente: Cortez, kill the rat-pelter! Matar a la rata lanzador!

Cortez pulls out his pistol and unsheathes his sword and begins to search the balconies for the culprit.

Enter Chris Swordbones now on the same floor as them.

Sir Carlos Clemente: You! Did you see a man holding rats? Or throwing them at me?

There is a squeak coming from Chris' pocket.

Chris Swordbones: No, Carlos.

Cortez: ( Whispering to Sir Carlos ) Didn't you want him killed for never addressing you properly, my royal master?

Sir Carlos Clemente: ( Whispering to Cortez with a hint of menace in his voice ) Weren't you the one meant to kill him?

Cortez: ( Whispering to Sir Carlos ) Sorry, it seems to have slipped my mind. Shall I kill him now?

Sir Carlos Clemente: ( Whispering to Cortez ) No, let's find and murder that rat-pelter first!

Sir Carlos Clemente: Chris, you may accompany us to the docks if you like. We are checking to see if the fleet is ready.

Chris Swordbones: I will join you.

All exit.

Enter Sir Carlos Clemente, Cortez and Chris Swordbones at the Royal docks and followe by Davy Gunfish.

Cortez: Sire, your Royal Ship of the Line, San de Fruta, has met your royal standards that your royal page sent to our royal boat builder, your Royalness.

Sir Carlos walks up to his ship.

Sir Carlos Clemente: Thank you, Assistant of Royal Affairs. The Royal Spanish Armada will soon fully meet The Royal British Enemy of The Royal State, and then the Royal Plan will take its course. All we need now are those Advanced Ship of the Line designs so we can match Breasly's fleet!

Cortez: Your Royalness, are we ready for departure?

Sir Carlos Clemente: Yes, The Royal Spanish Armada is ready for departure. Followers of my royal crown, let it begin! We will sail out now and skirmish the British Royal Navy until we can receive the designs. Then construction will begin and when it is completed we will sail to England's shores and meet them face to face!

The Spanish Royal Armada enters cheering and boards the various ships. Sir Carlos Clemente and Cortez board the San de Fruta with a complete crew.

Chris Swordbones: No!

Chris leaps and jumps onto the San de Fruta and begins to kill the crew.

Sir Carlos yells an order and Cortez stabs Hermit.

Hermit knocks him out in one punch shoots a bullet at Carlos.

The bullet misses and Chris jumps overboard easily getting caught.

Sir Carlos Clemente: ( While running around in circles screaming ) A British Royal Spy! What English trickery to the Spanish Royal Crown is this?!?! Who dares oppose The Spanish Royal Armada! An enemy spy! Call off the departure! Admiral Gunfish, meet with Admiral Blastshot and try to stall the battle we need more time! Ah...a...

Sir Carlos' face grows red and he passes out on deck.

Chris is tied up and shot with a blow dart and is taken to the Spanish Royal Prison.

All exit.

Scene III




Enter Captain Robert, Capt. Skull X, Miss Telltale and Jack Pistol aboard the HMS Thug.

Captain Robert: ( While pointing to the only cell on the ship) This is where you will be staying until we reach England.

Capt. Skull X: ( After making a girlish scream ) EWW! Its, totally gross!

Exit Captain Robert after locking them in cell.

A strange jumble of rags is seen on the floor. Suddenly it moves and attacks Miss Telltale. Benjamin Macmorgan sinks his teeth into her arm and doesn't let go.

Jack Pistol: What is that thing?

Benjamin barks.

Benjamin Macmorgan: Intruder who enters cell mine kill must blood.

Benjamins eyes are bloodshot and he pounces on Jack.

Jack Pistol: Hey! I know you, you're that loon, Benjamin Macmorgan!

Benjamin blinks and stands more straight.

Benjamin Macmorgan: Reporting for duty sir! How may I assist you and this fine maiden today? Do you require me in battle sir? Aha! So you do!

He looks over at Capt. Skull X and pulls out an imaginary blade while making a sound like CREAK with his mouth.

Benjamin Macmorgan: ON YOUR GUARD SIR YOU-YOU- MAINTENANT vous allez mourir MONSIEUR! Vous ne pouvez pas possible de comprendre ce que l'ennemi vous êtes confrontés! La Russie est forte, alors vous Knaves espagnol!

Capt. Skull X: Benjamin.....

Ben blinks again and this time he begins to mutter under his breath.

Jack Pistol: Anyhoo, lets get rid of this maniac...

Ben blinks and goes into "soldier" mode again, which is symbolized by the hat he wears for each personality.

He puts on a military hat.

Benjamin Macmorgan: Yes sir! I will fight this vermon until he can't breathe.

Ben begins to fight himself changing between his military hat and pirate tricorne to symbolize each personality.

Benjamin Macmorgan: YOU WILL NOT GET ME MUAHHA!

He starts to run then backs up and turns into soldier Ben.

Benjamin Macmorgan: KNAVE!

He pounces on pirate ben and they start to choke each other.

Benjamin Macmorgan: NO! DON'T YOU DARE RAISE A GUN AT ME!

A gunshot is heard from the distance and Benjamin's soldier personality dies.

Benjamin Macmorgan: ( While standing over dead body of Benjamin's soldier personality ) MUAHAHA MUAHAHHA MUAHAHA MUAHAHA MUAHHAHA Whos next?

He pounces on Skull and starts eating him alive, then he pounces on Miss Telltale, who uses several complex Kung Fu Moves and knocks Ben to the ground where he sleeps.

Capt. Skull X: Pwned by meh epic skills!

Curtain.

Scene IV



At docks in London. Enter Capt. Robert, Richard Goldvane and two navy guards from Capt. Robert's, the HMS Thug, ship to the dock.

Richard Goldvane: Thank you for the escort, Captain Robert!

Capt. Robert: You're welcome. Feel honored, because not many ride for free aboard the HMS Thug. I shall see you on the day of battle, Richard.

Richard Goldvane: Fair winds!

Exit Richard Goldvane.

Capt. Robert turns to the navy guards and gestures towards his ship.

Capt. Robert: Bring them!

Enter Simon Redskull, Jack Pistol, Miss Telltale and Capt. Skull X with hands cuffed and chained together in order of entrance. Followed by eight navy guards.

Capt. Robert: Welcome to London scum! Luckily Richard had no idea you were on the ship, he might have caused problems since he is your friend.

Simon Redskull: Idiot, you have no clue about our purpose.

Capt. Robert: Silence! You are all going to jail until I can validate execution orders for all four of you. This is the second last time I have to see your faces. The last time I see them they will be tongue-smiling while dangling helplessly over a noose.

Jack Pistol: Killing us will ruin your chances of winning this war.

Capt. Robert: We shall see.

Capt. Skull X: Chains look good on you, Miss.

Skull begins rubbing Miss Telltale's shoulder. 'Miss elbows Skull who is behind her in the chain.

Miss Telltale: I wish these chains were strong enough to restrict your hands.

Capt. Skull X: Strong aren't I?

Enter Jim Bloodsilver, who is a madman, wearing King John's wig and socks.

Jim Bloodsilver: Hear ye! Hear ye! The king is a great man worthy of our praise!

Jim begins to dance, sing a song praising the king and whistle inbetween.

Capt. Robert: A madman!

Simon Redskull: By my perception, a simple drunkard.

Jack Pistol: An intellectual!

Jim Bloodsilver: Jim Bloodsilver!

Jack begins to whistle the tune of the song and tap his feet.

Jack Pistol: And rhythmic too!

Captain Robert: This joker mocks my king! Do you have a death wish, fool?

Simon Redskull: The king whose son you wish to blackmail and whose allies you want hung.

Captain Robert: The very same. He mocks that king!

Jim Bloodsilver: I do not mock our great king! I praise him.

Captain Robert: Why do you wear a kingly wig, similar to his and socks of royal standards?

Jim Bloodsilver: I praise his sense of fashion.

Captain Robert: I will be watching you.

Robert turns to the navy guards.

Captain Robert: Forward!

All but Jim Bloodsilver exit.

Enter Edgar Wildrat and Lawrence Daggerpaine just as soon as the others are gone and they are unaware that the others were just there.

Lawrence Daggerpaine: Where do you think he took them?

Edgar Wildrat: London I believe.

Lawrence hits his head on his clipboard.

Lawrence Daggerpaine: We are in London!

Edgar Wildrat: Genius! He is hiding them under our noses.

Lawrence facepalms.

Lawrence Daggerpaine: Where in this city do you think they are?

Edgar Wildrat: A jail probably. I have studied arrests and I have noticed a pattern. When people are arrested they are almost always sent to jail!

Lawrence Daggerpaine: ( Hint of frustration in voice ) You don't say!

Edgar Wildrat: I do say! And i will say again: A jail probably. I have studied arrests and I have noticed a pattern. When people are arrested they are almost always sent to jail!

Lawrence Daggerpaine: Well then let us search the jails!

Edgar Wildrat: I wish I would have thought of that!

All exit.

Scene V



Enter Benjamin Macmorgan coming from the HMS Thug.

Ben is dangling the keys to his brig cell and whistling. 'He puts on his British Lord hat.

Benjamin Macmorgan: Ahh London! Here... I am a Lord!

Benjamin smiles at his reflection in a puddle on the floor.

Benjamin Macmorgan: Where shall I go first?

Benjamin Macmorgan: How about right here?

Benjamin takes off his British Lord hat.

Benjamin Macmorgan: I should save my arrested friends...

Benjamin puts on his business hat.

Benjamin Macmorgan: Or I should start a business!

Ben takes off his business hat and puts on his Russian crown.

Benjamin Macmorgan: OR. I could return to Russian and rule as a Tsar!

Ben twithces and his crown falls off.

Benjamin Macmorgan: Goodnight, Benjamin!

Benjamin curls up in a ball and sleeps on the dock.

Exit shocked onlookers.


Act V
Scene I




Enter Simon Redskull, Jack Pistol, Miss Telltale and Capt. Skull X all still cuffed and followed by 8 navy guards.

Large Navy Guard: ( Gesturing towards an empty cell ) In you go.

Simon Redskull: There are four empty cells can we not each have one?

Fat Navy Guard: No.

Simon Redskull: Why not, porky?

Fat Navy Guard: Too many extra keys to turn and cell doors to open and close.

Simon Redskull: Lazy bloody Navy!

Capt. Skull X breaks his chains and slams the fat navy guard in to the bars of the nearest cell. The navy guard drops dead. Skull slings the body over his shoulder.

Capt. Skull X: I'll keep this chubby one for Hermit!

The remaining navy guards look stunned and begin backing away except for the large navy guard.

Large Navy Guard: Get in the bloody cells!

Miss begins to approach the large navy guard with a creepy look in her eye. She is yanked back by her chains and falls into Skull's arms. Skull leans in for a kiss but Miss bites/nibbles his arm, he lets go and she stands upright again.

Simon, Jack, Miss and Skull enter the jail cell and the large navy guard locks the cell. 2 navy guards undo their chains through the bars, but Miss stays chained for attempting to kiss one of the navy guards.

Exit the 7 sill alive navy guards.

Skull puts the dead navy guard down against the jail cell wall. As Miss is about to get cheerful with the dead guard the sound of the prison door up a flight of stairs is heard.

Enter Benjamin Macmorgan wearing a navy guard hat and dangling keys.

Benjamin Macmorgan: Aha! Criminals in a jail! They are always the last place you expect them to be!

Jack Pistol: Benjy, you have the keys. Hold them firmly in your hand, insert them into the slot, twist your wrist and free us!

Benjamin Macmorgan: Fat chance!

Benjamin notices the dead fat navy guard. Benjamin puts on a chef's hat.

Benjamin Macmorgan: ( Italian accent ) Giva me de fat one and I will free-a you from-a de jail, huh? I need him for my grandmother's special recipe!

Simon Redskull: Give him the fat guy.

Skull guards the dead fat guard.

Capt. Skull X: No! This porkish one will satisfy Hermit's appetite.

Benjamin takes off his chef's hat and replaces it with a scruffy cap and goes into his criminal personality.

Benjamin Macmorgan: I'm a lowlife! I deserve to rot in here...

Benjamin uses the key to open the cell and get inside. Before anyone can leave he locks it again and throws the key outside of the cell.

Miss Telltale: Idiot, I will rak... punish you severely!

Jack Pistol: Why did you do that, Ben?

Benjamin Macmorgan: Only Benjamin will deliver Lord Benjamin from bondage.

Capt. Skull X: What does that even mean?!

Simon Redskull: Ugh, we will be here until they hang us.

Benjamin Macmorgan: We will need to pass the time...

Benjamin pulls out a roll of cotton wool and some knitting needles and begins knitting. 'Skull picks up the dead fat navy guard and smashes Ben across the head with him. 'Benjamin screams out loud and falls to the ground. 'The prison door at the top of the stairs is heard opening again.

Enter Edgar Wildrat and Lawrence Daggerpaine.

Jack Pistol: Edgar, Law, you came to rescue us.

Jack draws his pistol and begins firing happily just missing Lawrence's clipboard.

Simon Redskull: You had that the entire time, Jack?!

Jack Pistol: I also had a lot of alcohol on me!

Jack pulls out a large canister of alcohol and downs it then drops flat.

Lawrence Daggerpaine: No time to waste. Robert wrote a letter to Mr Breasly explaining the whole ordeal. We better intercept it before he sees it or else Edgar might be in trouble... or worse... I might not get paid!

Lawrence picks up the keys and opens up the cell. He then unchains Miss. 'Skull picks up the unconscious Benjamin and Jack and slings them over his one shoulder and slings the dead fat navy guard over the other.

All exit.


Scene II



Johnny Coaleaston and Matthew Blastshot enter Matthew's study aboard his ship.

Johnny Coaleaston: Sir, Navy Admiral Davy Gunfish is ready to meet you.

Matthew Blastshot: Good. Send him in.

Matthew turns around in a swivel chair and he is revealed to be wearing Darth Vader attire.

Johnny Coaleaston: Sir? Is something wrong with your um... uh

He looks down at Matthew clothes and notices a stick wear his sword should be. The stick is painted red.

Matthew Blastshot: SILENCE FOOL! WHERE IS THE COOK?!?!? I DEMAND MY CRUMPETS! I HAVEN'T EATEN IN.. Wow, it must have been an hour. I HAVENT EATEN IN A HOUR I DEMAND CRUMPETS!

Johnny Coaleaston is about to say something but Matthew cuts him off by storming out of the room.

Johnny Coaleaston: Sir, Davy's ship is preparing to land next to ours. It is traditional that the two navy leaders meet each other before the beginning of a battle. I think it would be a wise decision to-

Johnny walks out of the door and slips on numerous half-eaten crumpets.

Matthew Blastshot: ( While drawing a dagger and pointing it at the cook ) Cook! Get me my crumpets.

The cook scurries off and Matthew throws the dagger into his back.

Matthew Blastshot: ( Crying ) Poor man. He had a weak heart, I always knew that a life at see would be too much for him.

Johnny Coaleaston: Sir, you just killed another cook!

Matthew Blastshot: Ah, Davy Gunfish what a lovely surprise. I thought we weren't having this meeting until next week. Please, sit down.

Davy Gunfish enters and sits at a table with Matthew and Johnny standing next to him.

Davy Gunfish: I'm sorry, Sir Matthew but I can't continue into battle. One of my mates is sick, hes a very important one too.

Matthew Blastshot: ( Ignoring Davy ) LOVELY WEATHER WE ARE HAVING ISN'T IT... Uh... GEORGE?!?!?!?!?!

Johnny Coaleaston: What my....Lord means is that he wants to know what member of your party is injured so heavily.

Davy Gunfish: The swabbie.

Matthew Blastshot: HOW DARE YOU USE THAT LANGUAGE WITH ME! OPEN FIRE!

Mat shoots his pistol like a lunatic and kills a random bystander. Then, Davy leaps to his feet and kicks Matthew in the chest. Johnny Coaleaston rushes forward and tackles Davy. Matthew dances around the fight singing. Davy shoots Johnny in the leg and pulls Matthew to the ground. He aims a pistol at his face.

Matthew Blastsshot: You will die by the powers of the dark side!

He does the Darth Vader force choke move, when it doesn't work he continues to try. Davy shoots the pistol but he is out of bullets. Then he draws a dagger and stabs, thankfully Johnny Coaleaston grabs him by the neck and pulls him backwards. Johnny punches him in the face then throws him across the ship and he falls into the water.

All exit.


Scene II




Enter Lawrence Daggerpaine, Edgar Wildrat, Jack Pistol, Capt. Skull X, Miss Telltale, Simon Redskull and Benjamin Macmorgan

Lawrence Daggerpaine: Edgar, stop playing with the trash can and get over here!

Edgar Wildrat pops his head out of a nearby trashcan with a bananna peel on his head, he shakes off the peel and steps out.

Edgar Wildrat: ( While tripping over banana peel ) Sorry, was looking for some supplies.

Capt. Skull X: For what? Lets go find the palace.

Benjamin puts on a tour guide hat.

Benjamin Macmorgan: I can help you with that, sir! If you will please follow me! The King is a very powerful person, he might be able to do something about that weird growth in your hands...

Benjamin points to the clipboard Law is always carrying.

Lawrence Daggerpaine: Ugh...

Benjamin is in the background now dueling a Navy Personality of himself.

Lawrence Daggerpaine: Well, wheres the palace, Edgar?

Edgar Wildrat: What palace?

Miss Telltale: ( Coming to the front ) What do you mean? Don't you know the way to your own palace?!?

Edgar Wildrat: I have a palace? Strange....

Simon Redskull: Hmm, Lawrence maybe it's this....

Simon walks over to Lawrence and they begin talking. 'Lawrence and Simon start writing on his clipboard and thinking, while Edgar and Jack continue to talk.

Edgar Wildrat: No no no, I never owned a palace. The only palace I've ever been in was King John's, in fact it was looking over this street... I think it was this way...

Jack Pistol: I found it!

Capt. Skull X: Where? You found the palace!

Jack Pistol: No... My missing cufflink!

Benjamin begins to scream and falls unconcious

Edgar Wildrat: Oh, I know where the palace is, follow me! Edgar Wildrat starts walking off and everyone follows except Lawrence. When he notices Lawrence doesn't follow him he knocks him on the head and carries Law. Law still is clutching his clipboard.

All exit.


Scene III




Behind a bush in the gardens of King John's palace. Enter Lawrence Daggerpaine, Jack Pistol, Edgar Wildrat, Simon Redskull, Capt. Skull X, Miss Telltale and Benjamin Macmorgan. Simon Redskull: Still no sign of that messenger.

Capt. Skull X: What if he has already delivered the letter to the king?!

Miss Telltale: Then Breasly is in for a good cut.

Miss draws her hidden blade and begins slicing it through the air.

Lawrence Daggerpaine: I would suggest we rather explain ourselves to Mr Breasly and try and apologize.

Miss puts her hidden blade away and begins mumbling unhappily.

Jack Pistol: What about the red-coated, well-armed, pirate-slaying soldiers who are guarding every inch of this royal residence?

Edgar Wildrat: ( Shouting valiantly ) I am the prince and they shall let me into my palace!

Edgar Wildrat steps out from behind the bush and immediately there is a barrage of gunfire on him from various navy guards. He jumps back behind the bush and the gunfire stops.

Jack Pistol: Seems they forgot what their prince looks like. Perhaps they forgot my pirate face too!

Jack steps out from behind the bush.

Navy Guard Captain: It's that bloody pirate!!! Open fire!

Jack jumps behind the bush and the lazy navy don't bother to go get him.

Simon Redskull: Idiots! Let's just get to the throne room and talk with the king, if we are lucky we might still catch the messenger. To get past those red-coats we will need to be strategic. Lawrence and I will secure our flank, Skull you throw Benjamin out in the open to draw their fire. Then...

Jack and Edgar stand up and draw their repeaters. They shoot the nearest three guards then drop down when they are out of bullets. 'Skull and Benjamin stand looking excited and open fire on the panicing and disorderly guards while Jack and Edgar reload.

After Skull runs out of bullets he draws his broadsword and jumps over the bush and charges 3 approaching guards carrying muskets. The other guards are either reloading or using swords and are still a good distance away from the bush.

Skull cuts down the first guard with ease because he is using a musket with no bayonet he can't easily attack Skull who will not move enough distance away to be shot. Skull then stabs the second guard and leaves his broadsword in the guards chest. He then tackles the third guard to the floor and knocks him out with the guard's own musket and then draws his broadsword from the second guard and finishes of the third guard with it.

By this time Lawrence and Simon realized that trying to make an orderly attack would be in vain so they join Edgar, Jack and Benjamin in shooting the guards weilding swords.

As Skull stands up a bullet flies past his head. Edgar swiftly takes out the shooter with one shot then him and Jack draw cutlasses in the hand not holding their pistols.

Edgar Wildrat: Cover us, we need some exercise!

Simon Redskull: ( To Lawrence ) Do they think this is all a game?!

Lawrence Daggerpaine: Most likely... just keep shooting.

Benjamin puts on his Navy Guard hat and mauls Simon.

Benjamin Macmorgan: Look what you bloody pirates are doing to the King's garden!

Benjamin takes off the Navy Guard hat and replaces it with a straw hat with a flower in it. Benjamin then starts pulling weeds out and happily whistling to himself.

Simon Redskull: ( While reaching for Benjamin ) I'll kill you.

Lawrence grabs Simon and pulls him to his feet.

Lawrence Daggerpaine: No time. Keep shooting!

Edgar, Jack and Skull have finished killing most of the guards by now by shooting the ones using melee weapons from far away and by charging the ones holding muskets before they can get a change to shoot and then attacking them with their swords.

They all regroup in front of the door to the palace.

Edgar Wildrat: Gents, welcome to my home!

Jack Pistol: Nice place. Except for all the dead folk in the garden... Do you have problems with the plague or something?

Edgar Wildrat: No, our gardener, Benny, is just working at top efficiency.

Edgar points at Benjamin who is weeding the garden.

Lawrence Daggerpaine: That is Mr Macmorgan, not your gardener Mr Wildrat.

Edgar Wildrat: ( Ignoring Lawrence ) Benny, see to it that these dead folk don't clutter the flowerbeds. Oh and please water the ones in the shade, I fear they may become dry and wither, that would be disastrous if they were not in full bloom in Sping!

Lawrence and Simon facepalm.

Edgar Wildrat: Well, time for the grand tour! I can't wait to show you guys my room it has a poker table and...

Simon Redskull: Edgar, can we keep to our goals for now?

Edgars eyes twitch and he reaches for his pistol. Just before he draws it Benjamin comes running up and hugs Edgar. Edgar peels Benjamin off, in the process Benjamin's gardening hat falls off and he returns to his normal state of mind, and Edgar forgets about what Simon just said.

Jack Pistol: Shall we enter?

Edgar reaches for the door to open it but Skull begins hacking at the hinges with his broadsword.

Capt. Skull X: This is how a man with a blade opens a locked door.

He ravages all the hinges until they are barely holding together. Edgar turns the handle of the door revealing it was never locked. The door falls inwards and inside there is a large hallway and a spiraling staircase that leads to the next storey of the palace.

A Navy Guard looks out of the window one storey higher than the door and directly above it.

Navy Guard at Window: Oi! What's all this? What have ye done to our men and the garden!

In one swift moevement Skull throws his broadsword directly up from outside of the palace. It hits the man in the chest and he falls backwards from his balcony. 'Skull followed by the rest enter the palace. 'The Navy Guard that was at the window falls directly in front of them and Skull removes his sword from the man and sheaths it again.

Jack Pistol: Edgar, you have dead people dropping from the sky?! And it isn't even tea-time. What is wrong with this place?

Lawrence Daggerpaine: Jack that man was.... Nevermind, Edgar lead us to your fathers throne room please.

Edgar Wildrat: Follow me.

All exit.


Scene IV




Jack Pistol, Edgar Wildrat, Capt. Skull X, Simon Redskull, Miss Telltale and Lawrence Daggerpaine enter the room, with Benjamin trailing behind them with a furry hat and collar on, growling angrily. King John is already sitting on his throne.

King John: Squire! Bring me my crumpets!

John grunts and falls half asleep.

Edgar Wildrat: King John! I'm home!

Simon Redskull: I dont think he hears you....

Benjamin Macmorgan: ( While barking ) Salmon... Salmon... Salmon... Must kill.

Capt. Skull X: Not again...

The Messenger enters the throne room.

Messenger: King George! I have an important message from-

Lawrence Daggerpaine: Wait! We'll tell Mr Breasly.

As Lawrence begings to tell John ( who's sleeping soundly ) about losing the Designs, Jack Pistol heroically kills the Messenger and throws him to Benjamin, who puts on his Gardener hat and begins to water the body.

King John: Hmm? What oh.... Hi there.

Jack Pistol: ( Thinking John Breasly is an old woman) HELLO MA'AM. . LOVELY COTTAGE YOU HAVE THERE. CAN YOU HEAR ME?

Just then Matthew Blastshot enters.

Matthew Blastshot: Find the Rebel Scum!

Jack and Edgar quickly grab the body swiftly and hide it behind a statue, Benjamin puts on his weird swirly upside down hat

Benjamin Macmorgan: GAAAH! SWAMP POTATO! ITS A SWAMP POTATO WHAT DOES IT MEAN?!??!?!?!

Miss Telltale: Ben...

Capt. Skull X:' ( Eyes fluttering ) Miss...

King John: SILENCE!

Benjamin can be seen in the background going beserk and screaming at paintings and statues around Breasly's throne room.

Simon Redskull: King Breasly, it seems that though Lawrence and Bill have been working on the Ship you have instructed them to build, the actual designs have been stolen. We are on a quest to find the Designs and then possibly make a lovely play about it.

Lawrence Daggerpaine: Mr Breasly, we felt like we had to inform you, thank you for hearing us out however. We'll be going now...

Benjamin Macmorgan puts on his Space Helmet: To infinity! And beyond!!

Squire runs back inside with crumpets.

Matthew Blastshot: TRAITOR! HOW DARE YOU STEAL MY CRUMPETS! THIS MEANS THE END OF ENGLAND!

King John: Never!!! Surrender to the power of Thor!

Matthew Blastshot: You dare steal the mighty Royal Crumpets! This means war!

King John: I'll have you perforimg Shakespeare on the streets in the nude, Blastshot!

Matthew's crew enters the throne room.

Matthew Blastshot: Charge!!!!

Matthew then shoots his own crewmen and begins swinging his sword, which is too big for his body, around. Lawrence, Simon, Jack Pistol, Edgar Wildrat, and Capt. Skull X (dragging Benjamin behind him) slowly exit

King John: Alright, enough of this, Matthew we need to talk about the war with Spain. Meet me in my office.

All exit


The authors, Jack Pistol and Edgar Wildrat hope you enjoy our play! JackAndEdgarPlay

And

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