User blog:Jeremiah Garland/The Mallace Pallace

Yes! After a long wait, the Boyz Night Out Restaurant is finally open! Management includes the boyz from BNO, except Hooky cuz he's leaving. The restaurant is perfect for any boyz night out, and features foods from all over the sticky world! It is located in Tahiti, which we conquered after a fierce battle against Marc Cannonshot.

The Restaurant!


The restaurant itself is divided into two parts: the place where people sit and eat food, and the erect bar. It is called the erect bar because everybody has to stand (be erect) the whole time, and there are no seats. The kitchen is in the back, which also doubles as Prince Boogie's bedroom on Wednesdays and Thursdays (we have to clean out the fountain then). All of our meats are never frozen, except for all of them. Endless bread baskets, starting at $9.99! Fridays are special because all kids eat for half off, except for the ones of lesser races, which we burn in the kitchen. Sundays are church days, so we have a church theme in the restaurant: no clothes! Saturdays are epic because the BNO Restaurant's house band, Dirty Mall and the Boyz, play. Tuesdays are open sex days! All genders allowed! Except for girls (unless they are slaves).

Menu

 * Kazakh soup - Made from cow nipple
 * Looters salad - You know you want to try it ;)
 * The Instant Flippity Flop - Jim's head in chicken breast form
 * Crow Brulee - Classic dessert prepared by head chief Macmorgan; crow meat and burnt sugar
 * Guam Time! - Fries from Guam! We conquered Guam!
 * Asian burger - Asian burger
 * Fine wine from North Korea
 * Crib Nachos - Classic nachos! Made with real cheese, and sort-of real tortilla chips
 * Garlic's Garlic - Chef Garland's rendition on garlic cloves (do not order this)
 * Cambodian Happy Pizza - Special pizza that'll make you feel good!
 * Gay coleslaw - The happiest of coleslaws
 * Mallace's Driedl Chowder - Specially prepared with only some driedl in it
 * Heart of Spermwhale - With side of fruit cup
 * Funky Sauce - Nobody knows where this mysterious white sauce came from, except the chefs
 * Chicken Pot Pie - Made with real pot
 * Shrimp - We didn't lick them
 * LINguini - Brought to you by the LIN! You get to make it yourself at home, for $18.99
 * Blademorgan's Fried Brains - he asked me to add this one
 * Awwwwhwhhwhwhhwwww YEAH! Gyro - named for the noise you make after taking your first bite
 * Hairy Hotdog - So fresh, cow hairs can still be found on it!
 * Uncomfortable crabs - The crabs were uncomfortable when they died
 * Bacon - Made from the freshest of Indians
 * Tattoo remover - For all those times you just wish you hadn't gotten it
 * Naughty sushi - Sushi bar manned by John Breasly, the Japanese expert
 * Drowned albino - His family died too
 * The Breasle Supreme - Fried sloth nipples mixed in with breast-milk (not human) ice cream and glazed in a warm sauce
 * Dirty Stew a la Mallace - Specially raped cow simmered to a light and creamy stew; mixed with a delicate touch of salted nipple butter and a pinch of erect Catholic sauce
 * Jeremiah's Surprising Delight - Meet Chef Jeremiah in the bathroom for this treat!
 * Macmorgan's organs - Various broiled external organs harvested from wild African pups, salamanders, and aardvarks in a light white powder (the white powder is really cocaine)
 * Hotpocket - Nasty meat stuffed into a bread, thrown in the toilet, put in the microwave until scorching hot (but frozen in the middle) and then dipped in grease made from... yup, you guessed it: more sloth nipples
 * Puerto Rican Jewish Fiesta Sauce: This one is exotic! The taste of the Hebrew culture meets the Mexicana Latin-American fling! Jalapeno peppers and kosher matza balls mixed into one bowl, and then lit on fire by rival gang members. Do not eat if operating machinery
 * Expired Lunchables: We've got mountains of them
 * Cow Wang - Made from real cows, with real wangs! Bred in southern Asia, brought to us by Dutch dwarves.
 * Blasting Buthotfucta - Ishamel's relatives chopped into a fine soup, with a complementary Indo-Afghani-Catholic salad for $5.00 more.
 * Indo-Afghani-Catholic Salad - We found it after Chef Breasly searched Ishamel's bedroom. It had some mold on it, but we easily cleaned it off with more mold and studied the ingredients for years.
 * More menu items coming soon!