Tales from Tortuga

Author's Note
The stories portrayed in this collection are based off of the 1950s/1960s TV show, the Twilight Zone. Some characters are shown differently than as they are in the game and on the wiki, so be mindful of that and enter the realm if you so dare to.

Serving Piratekind
 It was a sunny, cloudless, August day on Tortuga. Pirates were walking about the island, hoping to find their next meal. In the Faithful Bride tavern, however, many pirates were drinking and enjoying themselves. Among these pirates was Richard Cannonwalker, a notorious pirate hero notable for his conquests against Jolly Roger’s forces. Along with him was Jack Goldwrecker, an exiled politician who had joined Richard’s crew. In addition to being a well-versed strategist, he also had knowledge in the field of cryptography, uncovering hidden messages in different languages and codes. The two were mid-conversation, enjoying a pint of grog and talking about recent adventures.

 “I don’t understand why those cannibals on Padres wouldn’t want to sacrifice me to their volcano god. I’m a perfectly fine specimen!” Jack complained. “You tried to feed their lactose intolerant volcano god cheese. They wanted to behead you and toss you into the lava, if anything.” Richard responded. “So what if the volcano god was lactose intolerant?” Jack asked, sipping his grog. “They said his innards would have exploded and engulfed the entire island in lava.” Richard responded, sipping his grog as well. Just then, a man entered the tavern. “An odd ship has just docked at port! Everybody ready your guns!” The man shouted. Richard and Jack, unsure what to do, got their guns and followed the mob of people going to see the ship.

 When the ship pulled in to port, the entire crowd was shocked; the ship was painted black and made entirely of metal. Some tried to shoot cannonballs at the ship, but the ship took no damage from the cannonballs. The ship’s sails were then targeted, but also took no damage. The ship’s sails were then taken down as the ship docked. The people panicked as a large man came on to the docks from the ship. He was a dark-skinned man of over 6 feet tall. He wore all black clothing, including a black jacket and feathered hat. In his right arm, he held a book. “Do not fear, my brethren.” The man said with an inhumanly deep voice. Richard then instantly recognized the man; he was Christopher Crane, leader of the Hermit Rangers. “We are here to help.”

 The people stood in silence and watched the man standing before them. Suddenly, somebody spoke out. “What kind of help will you offer?” The man asked. “A very good question you’ve got, sir. We plan to offer your soil nutrients in order to end famine amongst pirates.” Christopher said. Though the crowd was silent for a moment, they began cheering wildly; no more scourging for food scraps, they had hoped. Christopher went on to discuss other plans he had, including using voodoo magic to keep pirates from hurting each other among many other things. All of the plans were met with heavy approval. As Christopher was leaving the dock with his crew to immediately begin implementing his plans, he dropped his book. The crowd dispersed, many of them following him, however. Richard and Jack, however, stayed behind.

 They went up to the dock and picked up Christopher’s book. It was written in some form of writing neither of them had ever seen before, though it looked similar to Arabic. “What is this thing?” Richard asked. “I don’t know, but I think I can figure it out. I’ll hold onto the book and try to decipher the language.” Jack said. The two went their separate ways for a bit, Jack more interested in deciphering the book’s language than going with Richard to watch Christopher’s solutions at work.

 Only a few months had passed since Christopher Crane and the Hermit Rangers arrived on Tortuga. Already, they had ended all pirate famine in the Caribbean and the 13 Colonies. They also had implemented voodoo magic which made it so other pirates couldn’t hurt each other, which they all appreciated. One day, Christopher called a meeting at the docks. He said that he had a Caribbean island at least five times the size of Tortuga that he reserved for pirates. He claimed it was heavily guarded by the Hermit Rangers so that no enemies could invade the island; all was supposedly safe. Richard and Jack were at this meeting on the docks too.

 “So, how’s the translation coming along?” Richard asked Jack. “So far, I’ve only got the title: ‘Serving Piratekind.’ Seems harmless enough, wouldn’t you say?” Jack asked Richard. “I suppose.” He responded. Although Richard was excited to go to Christopher’s island, Jack still wanted to decode the book.

 A few days later, Crane began having ships come to Tortuga to get pirates for his island. Richard was in line to get aboard one of the ships on that first day. He had his things packed, ready to move to this supposed island. Richard was on-deck, when Jack came running after him. Richard waved and smiled at him as he came. “Richard, don’t get on that ship!” He yelled at the top of his voice.” Richard looked at him with a confused expression. “But why?” Richard asked. “I figured out how to translate the book!” Jack yelled back. “And..?” Richard asked. “The book… Serving Piratekind… it’s… it’s a cookbook.” Jack said. “What?!” Richard yelled. Richard attempted to get off the ship, but Crane was blocking the exit. “Let me off of this damn ship!” Richard yelled, trying to fight his way off. "We need to eat too, Cannonwalker.” Crane said. Crane had 2 crewmates restrict Richard and take him below deck. Just then, the ship took off for the supposed island destination it was meant to go, never to be seen on Tortuga again.