User blog comment:Jeremiah Garland/Temporary Leave (this shouldn't matter to anyone)/@comment-4619254-20160625103557

John Charles Layfield was born on November 29th, 1966, nine months after his parents John Wayne and Ayn Rand had tender but sweary sex on a bed of stolen pennies. A rambunctious child, his first words were "I LOVE IT" and he was punching bulls to death by the ripe age of four. He joined WWE where he met his best friend Michael Cole, the two shared many adventures building boats, investigating smugglers as a part of the famous five and drinking cider by the pool.