The Life of Jim Bloodsilver as recalled by a drunk in a bar

Interviewer: So, sir, please tell us about Jim Bloodsilver.

Old Drunk: WHY SurE. wHy not?!

...

I: Ok, get on with it.

OD: Oh righT! Well, it all began when Jimmy was born...

I: That makes s-

OD: INTERRUPT ME AGAIN AND I SHALL TEAR OUT YOUR EAR-BALL AND FEED IT TO MY PET SQUID BOB!

...

I: Wh-

OD: Anyway, Jimmy was born. When he was born, he grabbed a hammer. THEN THE LITTLE SON OF A GUN WHACKED ME IN THE FOREHEAD WITH THE HAMMER AND ATE MY LEFT FOOT!

...

I: Sir, both your feet are there. And I high-

OD: Then he ate my other foot, and screamed, "I'M THE KING OF LAS VEGAS!!!" After that, he jumped out the window, and stole a horsedrawn carriage and swam to London in it. Then he assassinated Lord Cutler Beckett... and me... And Mercer... and Davy Jones... and Dumbledore. Then he somehow stole a sword from an old guy in a tree, went, "DOO-DO-DO-DO-DOOO!!!" and started killing more stuff. Then he went back to the Carribean, tripped over Leon made him run around Port Royal twice, than sat on Leon and thought. Then, he killed Leon too, ran to France, and ate a cheeseburger. So, thats the story of World War -4.5

...

I: I'll be leaving now, Mr. Wildrat.

OD: DONT MIND OF I DO!