Not Your Kind of People





Ned5

Characters

 * Ned Edgewalker
 * Lithium
 * Richard Cannonwalker, A.K.A. "Nults"
 * Zoomer
 * Sam
 * Slappy

Prologue
In the latter part of my life, so far, most of my contact with other human beings in my life has been online. I don’t have to be stressed about meeting new people. Online, I am confident. I am strong. I’m not afraid to stand up for what I believe in. Unfortunately, like many others who feel this way online, this does not represent who I am in the real world. I am an introvert who has found a home in this world online. We live our lives online. We come from differing walks of life, all to unite under the banner of gaming. We are a family of sorts, although we’ve never even seen each other’s faces. That changes today.

With the advent of virtual reality that has gotten more realistic by the day, the new Oculus Wave, a successor to the Oculus Rift, launches today. The console uses high density microwave transceivers that are capable of accessing the user's brain, allowing it to send fake signals to the five senses of the user. The transceivers are not only capable of inducing fake sensory signals, but can also block every movement command from the brain to the body, preventing the user from moving their body, which is done to prevent injury. The transceivers are also capable of blocking sensory information from the body to the brain, thus, while using it, the user is completely insensate to the physical world.

This is the other life that many of us have wanted for a long time. Finally, a true escape. Launching with the Oculus Wave is the new MMORPG that will allow my friends and I to finally have a MMORPG that we can all connect on, for the first time since our beloved Pirates Online closed 12 years ago. Phantom Dawn Online. It doesn’t matter where you’re from. It doesn’t matter who you are as a person outside of this little paradise we call the internet. The one thing all of us wikians have in common is this: we’re all a bunch of kids escaping something undesirable in our lives. It doesn’t matter what that thing is, every one of us has something. Be it as simple as something as school, or some more complicated things like depression or loneliness. We all have something to escape, and we do it together. If you’re reading this and don’t at least understand the principle of what i’m saying, I guess you could say we’re not your kind of people.

“Today the highly anticipated VR-MMORPG, Phantom Dawn Online, launches with the Oculus Wave. Phantom Dawn Online alone is expected to garner around 100,000 players on the first day. In other gaming news, yet another Call of Duty installment has been announced, this time boasting brand new, ‘ground-breaking’ dog technology.”

Early in the morning of September 30th, 2025, Ned, Richard, Lithium & Zoomer were all in GFW chat to talk about the release of Phantom Dawn Online. Most users on the GFW had pre-ordered the game and would be getting it later in the day. Richard was not one of them.

“So you mean, I can’t type or anything like that in the game? Like, it has to be voice chat or nothing at all?” Richard said. “Have you not read anything on the Oculus Wave or PDO? You don’t exactly get a keyboard to type on.” Zoomer said. “It’s not as if i’d be getting the game for anything other than to play with you guys.” Richard said. “You want to play with us?" Ned said sarcastically.

“Piss off, Ned. I’m trying to make a serious decision here.”

“Hey, i’m just trying to lighten the mood. Besides the point, why are you so hesitant to voice chat?”

“NOBODY SHALL HEAR MY VOIIIIIIICE!”

“I think we’ve gotten that, Nults. You’ve only been saying it for the past 10 years.” Lithium said. “You know I have difficulty hearing.” Richard said. “Nults please. Again, have you even read up on the oculus wave?” Zoomer said.

“But my hearing disabilities pls”

“No.”

“Fine. What if I have hearing issues actually inside the game and I die because I don’t hear you scrubs yelling at me?”

“I didn’t think that was an issue…”

“WELL IT COULD BE THX”

“LADIES LADIES PLEASE! YOU ARE BOTH APPALLINGLY UGLY, NOW STOP ARGUING OVER WHO GETS THE NEW PURSE!” Lithium said. “We’re not arguing though.” Zoomer said.

“YES YOU ARRRRE”

“No we’re not.”

“excuse me did i say it was up to you? no i did not so go away thanks”

“no”

“yes”

“no”

“YES PLEASE” Ned said.

“Nults, I don’t really care if you get it or not, but please make up your mind so that these two stop bickering over useless subjects?” Ned said. Chat remained silent for a few minutes. “I’m not getting the game. I just can’t play it if there’s no typing.” Richard said. “Is that really the reason you’re going with?” Lithium said.

“Seems good enough to me.”

“But it’s not pls” Ned said. “Yes it is pls” Richard said.

“Can you not elaborate?”

“I could, I just don’t want to.”

“Why?”

“Cuz.”

“Cuz y?”

“I JUST DON’T WANT TO DAMMIT!”

“Okay. Fine. Don’t elaborate. I get where you’re coming from. Maybe.”

Just then, Sam entered chat. “Ned plz.” Sam immediately said upon entering chat. “Sam no. you weren’t even here” Zoomer said. “excuze me i m trying to be funy.” Sam said. “*excuse *funny” Richard said.

“I was going to correct myself plz.”

“Yeah, sure. Do you even know what we we’re talking about?”

“Yes plz. You were talking about PDO. I just got back from picking it up kthx.”

“Then why are you here?” Ned said. Sam then left chat.

“Well then. I’m gonna go pick up the game now because i’d rather not wait any longer. I will see all of you (excluding mr. nults) on PDO later. K bye.”

Meanwhile, in chat, the others got a visit. A visit, from one of the most polarizing figures in wiki history. Slappy. As usual upon entering chat for the first time every few months, Slappy was greeted with open arms. When playing games with wikians, Slappy would often be the most unpredictable player, doing whatever it took for personal gain. At this point, it had been 2 years since Slappy last appeared on the wiki.

“Slappy! Long time no see!” Lithium said. “Lith, i’m here for you. PM.” Slappy said. “Well hello to you too Slappy.” Richard said.

“Yeah, hi.”

Slappy & Lith got into PM.

“We need to talk.” Slappy said.

“I kind of gathered that.” Lithium said.

“So, judging from everything happening around here, I assume most of you here are getting PDO.”

“You’ve been watching us?”

“Always have been. Don’t you people check the ListUsers thing?”

“Can you not just get to the point?”

“Fine. I want you as my second command in my guild.”

“I can’t. I already have arrangements with the more, uh, active wikians.”

“Pearson’s gonna be there.”

“The fuck do I care?”

“Our guild is gonna be named ‘Straight Outta Duluth’. It’ll be beautiful.” Slappy said.

“As much as I love coming out of that particular minnesotan town, I think i’ll pass. Is that seriously gonna be the name?” Lithium said.

“No.”

“And to think, you almost swayed me.”

“I did?”

“No. I’m gonna go pick up the game now and meet up with the others. I’ll be seeing you in there, I assume?”

“Yes, you will be.”

“See you out there then.”

“Oh, yes you will.”

Chapter 1 - Money for the Weekend
Coming Soon

Triva

 * The story was (admittedly quite obviously) initially inspired by the anime Sword Art Online.
 * The name of the story is taken from the songby Garbage.