Good Cop, Bad Cop, Bob Cop

Summary of Play
An EITC spy infiltrates the rebel camp on Tortuga! What is the spy looking for? When both bad cop ( Bill Plunderbones), and good cop (Basil Bridgebane) can't break the suspect, they call in the Bob cop (Bobby Moon) to assist them!

WARNING
This play is a comedy! If you accept a role, expect to be made fun of for humorous purposes! If you are a reader, reading this play could cause any of the following:


 * 1) Uncontrollable laughter
 * 2) Laughing to death
 * 3) Confusion
 * 4) Awkward facial expressions

Characters
Rebels in Camp:
 * Bad Cop- Bill Plunderbones
 * Good Cop- Basil Bridgebane
 * Bob Cop- Bob Moon
 * EITC Spy- Davy Hookwrecker
 * Rebel 1- Halle
 * Rebel 2- Johnny Sea Slasher
 * Rebel 3- Capt. Lannon
 * Rebel 4- Jack Pistol
 * New Rebel- Jamie the Second

EITC Officers(2)
 * Oldtimbers
 * Johnny Coaleaston
 * EITC Extras- Open
 * Scone-Stealing Whackjob- Edgar Wildrat
 * Possibly more as I get into writing

Scene 1
(all is quiet in the rebel camp on Tortuga. No sounds are heard except a few quiet murmurs and the crackling of several small campfires. Then, a commotion is heard near a tent near the outskirts of the cluster)

Halle: INTRUDER!!! INTRUDER!!

(several other rebels come running to assist. The intruder, wearing dark clothes and a hood is pulled off the wall he is trying to climb)

Sea Slasher: You can't escape, you vile swine!

(The hooded figures hands are tied behind his back with a piece of rope and he is brought into a small brick building. A few rebels are outside the building, talking.)

Halle: You know what we have to do now, right?

Sea Slasher: No, anything but that! I don't have a death wish!

Jamie: What, what are you talking about?

Halle: (with idea): Oh nothing! Nothing! Just go wake up Captain Plunderbones. He needs to interrogate the prisoner!

Jamie: Right away, ma'am!

(Jamie runs off in the direction of Bill Plunderbones' tent)

Sea Slasher: (chuckling) Poor kid, he'll learn soon!

Scene 2
(Jamie arrives at Bill's tent and walks inside. Bill is asleep, snoring loudly, and clutching a red blankie in his fist)

Jamie: (quietly) Umm, Captain Plunderbones, sir? You're needed for an interroga....

(Jamie is cut short because Bill has jumped up, and thrown a dagger. The dagger becomes stuck in a wooden support beam next to Jamie's head)

Bill: DON'T YOU KNOW BETTER THAN TO WAKE A MAN WHO IS SLEEPING?!

(Bill catches Jamie staring at his blankie)

Bill: IT'S A HANKERCHIEF!!

(Jamie sprints from the tent in terror! Bill slips on his jacket and hat, muttering about being woken up. Bill walks out of his tent to an equally large tent nearby and enters.)

Bill: Wake up Basil! An intruder has been caught on the premises! We are needed in interrogation, considering we are some of the best.

Basil: The typical routine I'm guessing? Good cop, Bad cop?

Bill: Of course!

(Bill and Basil walk to the small brick building and enter through the single door. This building only contains one room. The walls are white, there are no windows. The only furniture is an old wooden chair, which the hooded man is tied to.)

Scene 3
Bill: Hello my slippery friend. And just who might you be?

(Bill pulls off the spy's hood and slaps him across the face)

Basil: Bill! You should not treat our guest that way!

(Basil turns toward the spy)

Basil: Would you like some apple juice? Maybe a cookie? Or a scone? What actually is a scone? Does anyone know?

Bill: Basil! Focus! The questioning!

Davy: Frankly, I like that one much better.

(Davy nods toward Basil. Bill ignores the comment and continues.)

Bill: Let's start off simple, dirtbag. What is your name?

Davy: I am a pirate! A rebel! I was hoping to join you!

Basil: (sweetly) Come on, we both know that's not true.

Bill: STOP LYING YOU SCUM!

Davy: I speak the truth, so I refuse to talk any more if you don't believe me.

(Bill and Basil leave the building, closing the door behind them. Two rebels are outside waiting for them.)

Lannon: So, who is he?

Sea Slasher: My bet's on Navy!

Lannon: No, it's definitely Black Guard!

Sea Slasher: Twenty-Five gold?

Lannon: You're on, Slasher!

Bill: (Angrily) We didn't break him...

Basil: We MUST find out who he works for! The entire camp could be in danger!

Bill: Well, there is ONE option.... But after what happened last time....

Basil: She cut off his finger!

Bill: Yes, but she's all we have left. Send for her. But send the new guy.

(Bill chuckles. Basil sends Jamie to retrieve Bobby Moon)

Scene 4
(Jamie walks gingerly up to the large tent of Bobby Moon and enters. He doesn't see Moon.)

Jamie: Captain Moon?

(Moon drops from the ceiling and lands silently behind Jamie.)

Bob: (whispering in Jamie's ear) I heard you coming.

(Jamie jumps a foot in the air and reaches for his dagger, which isn't there. Moon is twirling the dagger in her fingers.)

Bob: So what do ya want, noob?

Jamie: (regaining his composure, sounding angry at Moon's comment) You've been called to the interrogation building. There is a DIFFICULT prisoner.

(Jamie turns back around and Moon is gone)

Jamie: (to himself) What have I gotten myself into?

(Moon approaches the interrogation building, meeting basil and bill.)

Bob: What are we dealing with?

Basil: Captured prisoner trying to climb over the wall. He's suspected EITC or navy.

Bob: I see.

Bill: Now we want him in one piece when you're done.

Bob: No promises!

(Moon grins as she reaches for the door knob and enters the building.)

Bob: So what's your name, scum?

(Davy ignores the question)

Davy: I've already met good cop and bad cop. What does that make you, love?

Bob: I'm the Bob cop. And I don't play by the rules.

(Bill and Basil are waiting outside when all of a sudden they hear the crashing of furniture, breaking class, and Davy screaming of fright. Then, there is silence. Moon walks casually out of the building, closing the door behind her.)

Bob: His name is Davy Hookwrecker, he works for the EITC Black Guard, he was sent to discover any attack plans and battle secrets or assassinate our leaders if possible, he is of elven decent, and his favorite color is apple red.

(Bill and Basil stand with dumbstruck expressions 0_o)

Scene 5
(Bill looks towards a nearby group of rebels)

Bill: Mr. Pistol! There is a prisoner that needs to be transported to the cell block, please escort him!

Jack: Sure thing, Billiam!

Bill: WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT CALLING ME THAT?! It is Bill, or Mr. Plunderbones!!

(Jack starts tearing up)

Jack: I'M SORRY!!!!

(Jack begins histerically crying)

Bill: Wait! Don't cry! Do you need a hug?

Jack: (pause) YES!!!!

(Bill and Jack hug)

Bill: (sweetly) Now Jack, will you PLEASE go escort the prisoner to the cell block?

(Jack suddenly stops crying)

Jack: Sure thing, Billiam!

(Jack is yelled at again, the cycle continues for a good 10-15 minutes, until Bill walks away in frustration)

Jack: (shouting back at Bill) Good chat!

(Jack enters the iterrogation building to see the entire room trashed and Davy curled up in a ball in the corner, rocking back and forth)

Jack: The Bob Cop?

(Davy nervously nods. Jack grabs Davy's shoulders and guides him out the door, across the camp to a larger building. Inside are rows of cells, most being empty. Davy is put inside a cell that is unoccupied.)

Jack: Here you are, home sweet home.

Davy: You can't just leave me here! I have money, I can pay!

Jack: I don't take bribes. Maybe this place will be good for you! Three meals a day, mostly scraps, but you don't have to work for it!

Davy: (With annoyed expression) Lucky me....