Talk:What If Breasly's Loyal Subject Betrayed Him?/@comment-3242795-20130207204715

If you can get past the sentence fragments, incorrect spelling, incorrect grammar, failure of punctuation, the story is decent. But the scenes move to quickly, the characters are far too jumbled, there is far too much dialogue to fit what I would assume would be intense action, and it's just not-well put together. It looks like you were trying to get it out by a certain date and had to do it the night before.

Grammar: 3/10

Storyline: 7/10

Effort: 9/10